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Here are some....will post them as I remember them.....
A mans wife caught him blow drying his dick and she asked "what are you doing?"
he replied..."warming your dinner!!!"
---------- Post added at 10:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:57 PM ----------
THE DEAD COW LECTURE
First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.
---------- Post added at 10:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's
a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I
plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly,
which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her
request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have hear about
from odda girls... Numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in
a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You want....... garlic chicken wif snow peas ?
---------- Post added at 11:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:59 PM ----------
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies,” I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year
---------- Post added at 11:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:00 PM ----------
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.
Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic *****."
She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-****er"
---------- Post added at 11:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:00 PM ----------
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
---------- Post added at 11:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 PM ----------
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
---------- Post added at 11:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 PM ----------
A teacher at a High School in New Orleans asks one of her brightest students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
The girl named Latisha says, "Sometimes when I be suckin' Leroy's cock, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
A mans wife caught him blow drying his dick and she asked "what are you doing?"
he replied..."warming your dinner!!!"
---------- Post added at 10:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:57 PM ----------
THE DEAD COW LECTURE
First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.
---------- Post added at 10:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's
a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I
plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly,
which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her
request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have hear about
from odda girls... Numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in
a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You want....... garlic chicken wif snow peas ?
---------- Post added at 11:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:59 PM ----------
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies,” I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year
---------- Post added at 11:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:00 PM ----------
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.
Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic *****."
She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-****er"
---------- Post added at 11:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:00 PM ----------
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
---------- Post added at 11:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 PM ----------
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
---------- Post added at 11:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 PM ----------
A teacher at a High School in New Orleans asks one of her brightest students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
The girl named Latisha says, "Sometimes when I be suckin' Leroy's cock, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
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