Tweet
Alright I just got home from the worst date of my life, possibly even the worst fucking day of my life.
My friend Billiam is dating this chick, Cassandra. And Billiam told her about how I'm all into researching conspiracies and the illuminati and shit, his GF said ohhh i have a friend who's just like that. So Billiam texts me yesterday (saturday night) saying I set you up on a date with my gf's friend. He sent me a picture of her
and I was like
not bad
so he gave me her number, then her and I texted for a couple hours, we were really hitting it off. We started off talking about the recent school shooting and we both agreed it was an inside job to justify the abolishment of the second amendment, we then proceeded to talk about MK-Ultra, Operation Northwoods... and eventually even Bohemian Grove
The conversation was great, I've never felt that sort of chemistry with anybody in my life before.
We agreed to meet up and go out for dinner today, I wanted to go to Five Guys but she refused to because Obama went there once, she thinks it's ran by the Illuminati now
I throw around a couple ideas as to where we can go but she insists that we go to that jungle place, you know that fuckin place with the zebras, gorillas, and shit
So I get there and I see her, but she's with some fuckin guy. This dude looks like he's in his mid 30's, and this nigga is wearing a fuckin SUIT.
Me and the girl, named Franklin btw; hugged. Then the guy shakes my hand and says "Greetings, I'm Steve." and I'm like ...okay
So we go up to the hostess and she says "For three?" and I awkwardly respond "...I guess so"
So we get seated and I knew that I was going to pay for the date, but now that this weirdo's here I dunno whether I'm paying for him or what...
So the waitress comes up to us and asks what we'd like to drink, I got a doctor pepper, and Steve says mayonnaise. fucking MAYONNAISE.
THe waitress giggles and he's like I'm just pulling your leg, and he asked for a Sherley Temple. Franklin asks for some weird pineapple smoothie type drink, and they both say that they want the frog lid and bendy straw. That costs an extra 8 fucking dollars. I'm like wtf the girl is 17 and the dude is 35 and they're getting this shit. And to top if all off I'm probably paying for this fuckin weird frog lid.
We get the drinks, here they fucking are by the way
Franklin with her drink
Steve with his
Look at that fuckers cheeky little grin, he knows he's ruining my day. And he's just enjoying every minute of it. You can tell. That damn Nelson Mandela wannabe.
Anyways, then it comes time to order are food and they say they want the mozza sticks but I said they're a rip off they cost $12 and you only get 5 little pieces of their gayass goat cheese wrapped in some breaded faggot corn chips or whatever the fuck it's called. They said fine they won't get it but when the waitress comes to take our orders that fucking Steve orders it with his meal.
Here's this long nosed bastards fuckin mozza sticks
So anyways I got chicken fajitas, and do you know what this fucker does? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING DOES? He dipped his mozza stick in my re-fried beans. This time I HAD IT. I was about to fucking put my foot down. But I didn't, just because that would ruin the possibility of me getting any aunt jemima (German slang for pussy) at the end of the night.
So I put up with this fucker dipping his food in my food, talking about his trip to New Zealand, and doing card tricks throughout the whole damn date for him to go to the washroom when the bill comes. I'm stuck there with a fucking $57 bill. I pay it and am just like lets get the fuck outta here.
As I'm walking out of this fucking jungle that I had NO intention of going to in the first place, TO TOP IT ALL OFF this FUCKING FAMILY OF GORILLAS APPROACHES ME. They ask me to take their fucking picture, I put my hand out and am like "...camera?" and they said just take it with yours...
But WTF is the point of that? They won't have the pic then? I will.
The Kids...
The parents...
After I take the pic they're all like thank you so much and shit, and walk away. How the fuck will they see the pics? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?
Anyways, as we're walking out of the store Franklin sees that they sell memorabilia they're so I had to buy her a fucking Rainforest Cafe t-shirt and coffee mug Came to $55.
So now I have spent well over a hundred dollars on this bimbo, if I don't get any aunt jemima at the end of the night I'm finna be one angry ass nigga. Probably finna slash their families tires and maybe bring my dog to take a shit on their yard. And we're walking back out of the restaurant, and at this point I still have NO IDEA WHO STEVE IS. I don't know if he's a relative of hers, a friend, her teacher, some weird pedophile, a street performer in thailand, or what.
As we get to the parking lot, he talks to me a bit and I find out that he's her uncle. Anyways he drives us back to their place.
They live on a fucking farm. And they have a corn maze. Fucking corn. Bad memories w/ corn.
We walk into her room and we sit on the bed, I try making a move but she's like no no no I have to flush the satanic toxins out of my system before we exchange oral fluids. So we walk over to her kitchen and she drinks several glasses of water that she gets from Alex Jone's special water fluoridation filter
Then we get into her room and I finally get to kiss her, we're making out for a bit and then she pushes me down and gets ontop of me
We making out n feeling eachother up n shit then we like flip to the side and i start rubbing the inside of her thighs and shit, I put my hand down her pants and start stimulating her clitoris. Her legs have a slight spasm as she exhales deeply. Then outta nowhere, guess who's back
Fuckin Steve.
Lookin all like...
He's like whatchya think you're doing? We stop and are like nothing nothing!
And he goes over and sits on the edge of the bed, looking at us.
We are looking at him awkwardly for a couple minutes then he eventually says "well... proceed"
We take eachothers pants off and she like grabs my wrist and brings my hand back down there and I start fingerbanging her while Steve just sits there watching. This was fucking weird.
Then guess what happens.
Her fucking hillbilly redneck cac ass parents walk in the room and observe too, even her little brother does. The whole family is watching me in aw as I penetrate the depths of their beloved daughters vaginal region with my index and middle finger.
Then after a few minutes her dad yells "In the name of Moses I demand you to come to a HAULT!" I'm like dafuqqqqq.
He grabs me by the collar of my shirt, fuckboi stretched by BBC collar
Then he drags me down the hall while beating me on the head with his wives dildo, while I'm wearing my fucking boxer-briefs and tells me to get the fuck outta here. I was being dragged down the damn hall skidding my knees and shit in front of everybody in my fucking BOXER BRIEFS while like squirming around and shit but trust me I showed those fuckers. I knocked their rooster compass thing off of their balcony and kicked their pig.
I HAD TO WALK ALL THE WAY HOME FOR LIKE 2 HOURS I NMY FUCKING BOXER BRIEFS. Had a tough time finding my way home but I'm back now. WOAT night. Fucking pirates.
My friend Billiam is dating this chick, Cassandra. And Billiam told her about how I'm all into researching conspiracies and the illuminati and shit, his GF said ohhh i have a friend who's just like that. So Billiam texts me yesterday (saturday night) saying I set you up on a date with my gf's friend. He sent me a picture of her
and I was like
not bad
so he gave me her number, then her and I texted for a couple hours, we were really hitting it off. We started off talking about the recent school shooting and we both agreed it was an inside job to justify the abolishment of the second amendment, we then proceeded to talk about MK-Ultra, Operation Northwoods... and eventually even Bohemian Grove
The conversation was great, I've never felt that sort of chemistry with anybody in my life before.
We agreed to meet up and go out for dinner today, I wanted to go to Five Guys but she refused to because Obama went there once, she thinks it's ran by the Illuminati now
I throw around a couple ideas as to where we can go but she insists that we go to that jungle place, you know that fuckin place with the zebras, gorillas, and shit
So I get there and I see her, but she's with some fuckin guy. This dude looks like he's in his mid 30's, and this nigga is wearing a fuckin SUIT.
Me and the girl, named Franklin btw; hugged. Then the guy shakes my hand and says "Greetings, I'm Steve." and I'm like ...okay
So we go up to the hostess and she says "For three?" and I awkwardly respond "...I guess so"
So we get seated and I knew that I was going to pay for the date, but now that this weirdo's here I dunno whether I'm paying for him or what...
So the waitress comes up to us and asks what we'd like to drink, I got a doctor pepper, and Steve says mayonnaise. fucking MAYONNAISE.
THe waitress giggles and he's like I'm just pulling your leg, and he asked for a Sherley Temple. Franklin asks for some weird pineapple smoothie type drink, and they both say that they want the frog lid and bendy straw. That costs an extra 8 fucking dollars. I'm like wtf the girl is 17 and the dude is 35 and they're getting this shit. And to top if all off I'm probably paying for this fuckin weird frog lid.
We get the drinks, here they fucking are by the way
Franklin with her drink
Steve with his
Look at that fuckers cheeky little grin, he knows he's ruining my day. And he's just enjoying every minute of it. You can tell. That damn Nelson Mandela wannabe.
Anyways, then it comes time to order are food and they say they want the mozza sticks but I said they're a rip off they cost $12 and you only get 5 little pieces of their gayass goat cheese wrapped in some breaded faggot corn chips or whatever the fuck it's called. They said fine they won't get it but when the waitress comes to take our orders that fucking Steve orders it with his meal.
Here's this long nosed bastards fuckin mozza sticks
So anyways I got chicken fajitas, and do you know what this fucker does? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING DOES? He dipped his mozza stick in my re-fried beans. This time I HAD IT. I was about to fucking put my foot down. But I didn't, just because that would ruin the possibility of me getting any aunt jemima (German slang for pussy) at the end of the night.
So I put up with this fucker dipping his food in my food, talking about his trip to New Zealand, and doing card tricks throughout the whole damn date for him to go to the washroom when the bill comes. I'm stuck there with a fucking $57 bill. I pay it and am just like lets get the fuck outta here.
As I'm walking out of this fucking jungle that I had NO intention of going to in the first place, TO TOP IT ALL OFF this FUCKING FAMILY OF GORILLAS APPROACHES ME. They ask me to take their fucking picture, I put my hand out and am like "...camera?" and they said just take it with yours...
But WTF is the point of that? They won't have the pic then? I will.
The Kids...
The parents...
After I take the pic they're all like thank you so much and shit, and walk away. How the fuck will they see the pics? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?
Anyways, as we're walking out of the store Franklin sees that they sell memorabilia they're so I had to buy her a fucking Rainforest Cafe t-shirt and coffee mug
Came to $55. So now I have spent well over a hundred dollars on this bimbo, if I don't get any aunt jemima at the end of the night I'm finna be one angry ass nigga. Probably finna slash their families tires and maybe bring my dog to take a shit on their yard. And we're walking back out of the restaurant, and at this point I still have NO IDEA WHO STEVE IS. I don't know if he's a relative of hers, a friend, her teacher, some weird pedophile, a street performer in thailand, or what.
As we get to the parking lot, he talks to me a bit and I find out that he's her uncle. Anyways he drives us back to their place.
They live on a fucking farm. And they have a corn maze. Fucking corn. Bad memories w/ corn.
We walk into her room and we sit on the bed, I try making a move but she's like no no no I have to flush the satanic toxins out of my system before we exchange oral fluids. So we walk over to her kitchen and she drinks several glasses of water that she gets from Alex Jone's special water fluoridation filter
Then we get into her room and I finally get to kiss her, we're making out for a bit and then she pushes me down and gets ontop of me
We making out n feeling eachother up n shit then we like flip to the side and i start rubbing the inside of her thighs and shit, I put my hand down her pants and start stimulating her clitoris. Her legs have a slight spasm as she exhales deeply. Then outta nowhere, guess who's back Fuckin Steve.
Lookin all like...
He's like whatchya think you're doing? We stop and are like nothing nothing!
And he goes over and sits on the edge of the bed, looking at us.
We are looking at him awkwardly for a couple minutes then he eventually says "well... proceed"
We take eachothers pants off and she like grabs my wrist and brings my hand back down there and I start fingerbanging her while Steve just sits there watching. This was fucking weird.
Then guess what happens.
Her fucking hillbilly redneck cac ass parents walk in the room and observe too, even her little brother does. The whole family is watching me in aw as I penetrate the depths of their beloved daughters vaginal region with my index and middle finger.
Then after a few minutes her dad yells "In the name of Moses I demand you to come to a HAULT!" I'm like dafuqqqqq.
He grabs me by the collar of my shirt, fuckboi stretched by BBC collar
Then he drags me down the hall while beating me on the head with his wives dildo, while I'm wearing my fucking boxer-briefs and tells me to get the fuck outta here. I was being dragged down the damn hall skidding my knees and shit in front of everybody in my fucking BOXER BRIEFS while like squirming around and shit but trust me I showed those fuckers. I knocked their rooster compass thing off of their balcony and kicked their pig.
I HAD TO WALK ALL THE WAY HOME FOR LIKE 2 HOURS I NMY FUCKING BOXER BRIEFS. Had a tough time finding my way home but I'm back now. WOAT night. Fucking pirates.
Comment