i'm goin in

[Slags]

i'm goin in, nothin else needs to be said
i'm Slagey, ima tear this shit up like bulldozer treads
tha movement has spread
people recognize my ass
i make em turn heads
i'm so anonymous yet so well known
fuck goin mainstream
straight to tha club where i'm goin
these lines got mafuckas mesmerized
people try to spit like me n end up tongue tied
just like after i shown tha mandingo to your bitch
she said let me ride
i aint from the hood
but fuck the other side
Harrisburg is where i ride
from the west shore
these trill niggas even respect what i got in store
my white albino ass throw a blizzard on yall
dr freeze your ass
are you ready for more?
i used to fuck w/ that metal shit
crazy shit hardcore
but fuck that
they attract the ugliest whores
white boy made a conversion from that rock shit to that block shit
the vice versa of weezy
but you know i had to switch
this shits just way to easy
just like your shone
yeah erry one knows she's sleezy
shout out to YM: Millz, Mack, Gudda, Drake n Weezy

HQ, i see you

[trillphill]

Re: i'm goin in

i'm goin in, nothin else needs to be said
i'm Slagey, ima tear this freestyle up like some bulldozer treads

tha movement has spread
people recognize my ass, i make em turn heads

i'm so anonymous yet so well known
fuck goin mainstream, straight to tha club where i'm goin

these lines got mafuckas mesmerized
people try to spit like me n end up tongue tied

just like after i shown tha mandingo to your bitch, she said let me ride
i aint from the hood, but fuck the other side

Harrisburg is where i ride from the west shore (This and the line below it is one bar, no need to space them like that, I fixed it to how it should be.)
these trill niggas even respect what i got in store

my white albino ass will throw a blizzard on yall
dr freeze your ass, are you ready for more?

i used to fuck w/ that metal shit, crazy shit hardcore
but fuck that, they attract the ugliest whores

white boy made a conversion from that rock shit to that block shit
the vice versa of weezy

but you know i had to switch, this shits just way to easy
just like your shone, yeah erry one knows she's sleezy

shout out to YM: Millz, Mack, Gudda, Drake n Weezy

HQ, i see you

First off you need to make the line lengths more consistent by cutting down/not having a line that's way more syllables than the latter one. An ex is your opening 2 bars. the first is 11 syllables and the second is 17 (I'll admit I think I'm bad at counting them for some reason ) but having that big of a difference throws its flow off some.

Try to keep your bars to around 12 words unless you can make it still flow and sound good also.

I saw the Albino line and I know you tried to use it as a filler for your next bar that rhymed with the previous two (shore, store, than more), but it didn't work out well, you needed to cut out some words and combine the White Albino and DR Freeze lines together as 1 bar cus it also threw off the rhyming scheme.

The whole white boy line was too long for the following ones, you'd need to lengthen the next two or combine them some way.

On the positive I did like how you had some internal rhymes I think is the term going on.

The most important thing I can say is to break your raps into two bars as I did in quoting your rap as you type and make sure the pairs all rhyme. Don't have an odd number of lines rhyming like this -

I don't need a scope to aim and pop at the head
I just fire off with skills that'll leave you dead.
You'll look like the color I bang, yea that red. (ODD NUMBER WTF!?!?)
Don't fuck with me cus you're a pathetic bitch
Kill you now I'm going from rags to rich.

You could get away with it I guess if you have a good transition into it, otherwise try to stay away from that.

Good luck

[Slags]

Re: i'm goin in

ayo, i spit it different than i type it, you kno what i mean, i just type out the lines n then spit them out loud in a different fashion and i just reviewed this freestyle n it actually worked real well for my flow, but i see what u gettin at man

[trillphill]

Re: i'm goin in

ayo, i spit it different than i type it, you kno what i mean, i just type out the lines n then spit them out loud in a different fashion and i just reviewed this freestyle n it actually worked real well for my flow, but i see what u gettin at man

Well, the reason than that it sounds that way to me and people who read this is because it's text. Now if you put up an audio to this it'd probably flow much smoother because you'd be saying it, just stating how it is from my view.

[Slags]

Re: i'm goin in

thanks for the constructive criticism

[lilweezyfan1]

Re: i'm goin in

i like the lyrics.

[koolkiddale13]

Re: i'm goin in

Sick brahhh!

[Slags]

Re: i'm goin in

ayo, spread the word, also check out unstoppable freestyle and 3:30AM

[YoungMoneyEnt]

Re: i'm goin in

I'm going in, strapped and ready.
Now I Let you're bitch ride it. Nice and steady
Shotty goes bang turn ya brain to confetti.
Man Fuck a shotty, i just pull out my machete.
Im YME but u can call me Freddy
Murder for fun, what you finna do?
Blood gang bitch, come and find you.
And if you got some niggas then we kill them to.
Owch, on your face you see the implant of my shoe.
Cuz i stomped your ass right in the face
Stung so bad could of sworn it was mace.
home run bitch, you still on first base.
Paper ain't coming? then you know im finna chase.
I promise i'll catch it, and buy a new chain
What's your bitches IQ cuz she give good brain.
I drive hummers so big stay out my lane
Im finished, im out this mayne,

[brfonho]

Re: i'm goin in

diz lyrics is soo good.drake side was also great

[Slags]

Re: i'm goin in

diz lyrics is soo good.drake side was also great

wat the fuck u talkin bout, this me freestylin