Just a lil sumn def not my best.

[terrminatted]

Whats a life without pressure, Wayne said that/
and if I had one wish, I'd take that wish back/
I spit the truth, and most niqqas can't handle it/
I assemble the game, and then dismantle it/
Poetry is what my mind knows/
I write down these lyrics while watching the smoke blow/
Imma one man mafia, callin out murda/
Im the president of many networks, call me ted turner/
My hood knows me as Csquared, but call me terrminatted/
Please be real with me, but don't feel obligated/
I'm alone, i'm alone/
Imma prince without a king, daddy where you gone/
he left me so I hold my name on my own/
I'm blooded, you see i put my whole heart into this song/
Don't love me, don't judge me/
The only man I trust is the one thats above me/
The underworld holdin me back from pursuin dreams/
Stuck in this bad situation cause sin got a hold of me/
I'm an angel without wings, I can't fly/
I'm flowin harder than a broken arterie, let me die/
You see this is my sweat, my tears
My own, My fears/
My story, My life/
My pain, My strife/
My talk, My ways/
Smoke keep mind dazed/


I don't know jus sumn of the spare of the moment...

[terrminatted]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

any feedback would be appreciated...

If you wanna say

thats wack

or thats tight, thats cool too.
but i wanna see feedback on how to get better. Thanks.

[hanKill]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

i think its good..

[YoungTune.]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

Man Bro, That Was Deep,It Had Nice Flow, Try To Use More Punchlines & Stuff

But You Should Record It, I Could Hook You Up With A Beat

[terrminatted]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

Man Bro, That Was Deep,It Had Nice Flow, Try To Use More Punchlines & Stuff

But You Should Record It, I Could Hook You Up With A Beat

I would love to but I don't have a studio...

[YoungTune.]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

Man Bro, That Was Deep,It Had Nice Flow, Try To Use More Punchlines & Stuff

But You Should Record It, I Could Hook You Up With A Beat

I would love to but I don't have a studio...

Oh Man, Thats Too Bad Bro, You Should Look Into Gettin' One, Or At Least Mic, You Have Talent.

[terrminatted]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

[quote=YoungTune.]

Man Bro, That Was Deep,It Had Nice Flow, Try To Use More Punchlines & Stuff

But You Should Record It, I Could Hook You Up With A Beat

I would love to but I don't have a studio...

Oh Man, Thats Too Bad Bro, You Should Look Into Gettin' One, Or At Least Mic, You Have Talent. [/quote:2sn85kqa]

Thanks man. I appreciate that. I'll start doing more when i get time!

[IgnoranceIsBliss]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

I really liked this verse, you could feel the emotion, it had a great flow to it and it had punchlines as well.

I would say that you should elaborate on this line: "and if I had one wish, I'd take that wish back"

Add another 2 lines about why you want the wish back and what you'd wish for now

My fav line would be: "I'm flowin harder than a broken arterie, let me die"

Despite the small spelling error on artery

It's an effective verse with a nice meaning behind it that covers your personal life and what bothers/upsets/annoys you, overall I'd give it 8.5/10

[terrminatted]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

I really liked this verse, you could feel the emotion, it had a great flow to it and it had punchlines as well.

I would say that you should elaborate on this line: "and if I had one wish, I'd take that wish back"

Add another 2 lines about why you want the wish back and what you'd wish for now

My fav line would be: "I'm flowin harder than a broken arterie, let me die"

Despite the small spelling error on artery

It's an effective verse with a nice meaning behind it that covers your personal life and what bothers/upsets/annoys you, overall I'd give it 8.5/10

Thank you. Sorry bout the spelling, lol. I usually am a good speller. I'll revise it, and edit the freestyle soon.

[astanfield68]

Re: Just a lil sumn def not my best.

it has alot of meaning i think even if it was jus something quick 8/10