A song I wrote

[Jawbreaker Jake]

I wrote this song about a month ago. Feel free to critique it.

sitting alone in a cold dark room
a bottle of jack is goin down smooth
one last act to make my mark
the clip in let the bullet spark

haha
[chorus]
what if i did, would you even care
i try to talk, you dont have the time to spare
cold hearted and cold shouldered
probably wouldnt even watch my coffin get lowered

trust me i got reasons to be pissed
been tryin all my life but always missed
so why the fuck you even bother
your nothin to me, just like my father

that bastard left me at two
tryin to talk, he aint got a clue
he told tell me dont smoke, dont drink
pop that nigga before he can blink

[chorus]
what if i did, would you even care
i try to talk, you dont have the time to spare
cold hearted and cold shouldered
wont even watch my coffin lowered

call me and i find out how you feel
all these things you try to conceal
try to explain how it's not meant to be
really what you say is the problem is me

you talk a lot but you don't even know
that i stopped listening a long time ago
russian roulette with a fully loaded gat
im just the dealer, your brains go splat

[chorus]
what if i did, would you even care
i try to talk, dont have the time to spare
you cold hearted, and you cold shouldered
wont even watch my coffin lowered

so now that the bottle is spent
barrell in my mouth, time to repent
look at my phone, u still aint rang
pull the trigger and that shit go bang

lookin at myself in a million pieces
my finger double taps then it releases
just shot myself and can finally breathe
bloody feet as i get up to leave

[xwiley22]

Re: A song I wrote

its coo

[Element.]

Re: A song I wrote

nice man

[AnDz]

Re: A song I wrote

Good text! would be sick over Eminem - The Way I Am

[Jamerson]

Re: A song I wrote

Good text! would be sick over Eminem - The Way I Am

co sign ^
is this the first song u write ? its pretty good keep writing and why dont you join the written tournament ?

[Jawbreaker Jake]

Re: A song I wrote

Good text! would be sick over Eminem - The Way I Am

co sign ^
is this the first song u write ? its pretty good keep writing and why dont you join the written tournament ?

Naw man I write all the time....this is just one I like haha.
I'd love to compete though I wouldn't expect to get very far.

[Jamerson]

Re: A song I wrote

[quote=Jawbreaker Jake]

Good text! would be sick over Eminem - The Way I Am

co sign ^
is this the first song u write ? its pretty good keep writing and why dont you join the written tournament ?

Naw man I write all the time....this is just one I like haha.
I'd love to compete though I wouldn't expect to get very far.[/quote:3np89ukk]


well if u write a lot
and ur pretty good so go sign up mane

[-Nino-]

Re: A song I wrote

Yea as Jaime said go hit up the written tourney...if i could write id sign up

[Jamerson]

Re: A song I wrote

Yea as Jaime said go hit up the written tourney...if i could write id sign up

just join mane, its for fun
i just started writing/recording a week ago