Do It For Hip-Hop

[Artille]

Open the notebook at dawn, write till the sunset
Start the day as a rookie, but end it a vet
I just want the world to see me as a threat
Tryna go down in history as the best thing yet
I know that I'm good, but I wanna be great
Carefully choose my lyrics, like I'm choosing my fate
I just wanna be noticed, whether it's love or hate
Not British, but I love hip-hop, it's my mate
That was kinda corny, that much I'll admit
But I'm tryna get the point across that I am it
I've had high aspirations since I was a jit
But everyone always told me that I wasn't fit
To live this lifestyle and that I wouldn't be shit
Just tryna prove 'em wrong, show 'em the torch is lit
I will never quit, till I'm a legend I won't stop
I don't do this for me, I do it for hip-hop

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Wrote this verse last night write after I finished my Blazin' verse. Be sure to leave some feedback/constructive criticism on this. Also, check out my last two verses HERE and HERE.

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Feedback 1
Feedback 2

[Wisheezy]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Flow: Flow was good, though not great not sure why, maybe because I feel this verse was more of a passion/inspirational spit
Lyrics: I like the lyrics, nice work. Alot it was nicely put together
Other: I felt this came across, obviously as a passionate inspirational verse. The great thing about it is i felt that motivation in it. It has good creativity...good job keep it up

Overall 3.89/5

[Jamerson]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

flow - good, its so easy to rap.
metaphors/punchlines/similes - i didnt see them, but the verse it self its tight, its not all abt metaphors/punchlines/similes
other - that line was corny but you made it up haha
overall - nice shit 4.3/5

you should try doing 3 - verses 16 bars each soon

[Artille]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

flow - good, its so easy to rap.
metaphors/punchlines/similes - i didnt see them, but the verse it self its tight, its not all abt metaphors/punchlines/similes
other - that line was corny but you made it up haha
overall - nice shit 4.3/5

you should try doing 3 - verses 16 bars each soon

I would, but I don't think people want to read 48 bars at one time. I will save that for when I start recording.

Thanks for the feedback, but I need more along with some constructive criticism.

[Jamerson]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

the constructive criticism was you should do a whole song, not just 16 bars and drop them like in two diff threads.
just stick to the subject and write more. If you don't want to that's you, but that's MY constructive criticism.

[Artille]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

the constructive criticism was you should do a whole song, not just 16 bars and drop them like in two diff threads.
just stick to the subject and write more. If you don't want to that's you, but that's MY constructive criticism.

No I wasn't bashing you constructive criticism I was saying that I need more of it from more people.

[DreezyBaby]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Flow: was good, couldn't complain
Lyrics: nice, felt as if they were well thought through
Other: wants to hear on a song
Overall: 4/5

[MC_Crary]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Other: Yo man I like your verses, why don't you record?

Flow: The flow was consistent, stayed together throughout. It'd cool to hear you spit this shit.
Lyrics: Your lyricsare on point. It all fits together in the end as it should. Nice on the continuances of the rhymes. Like there were three different word endings I think throughout the whole verse but it wasn't annoying or anything like that, well placed.

Overall 4/5

[Artille]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Other: Yo man I like your verses, why don't you record?

Flow: The flow was consistent, stayed together throughout. It'd cool to hear you spit this shit.
Lyrics: Your lyricsare on point. It all fits together in the end as it should. Nice on the continuances of the rhymes. Like there were three different word endings I think throughout the whole verse but it wasn't annoying or anything like that, well placed.

Overall 4/5

Thanks man, but no I don't record because I don't have a mic. I may buy one soon depending on how much money I have after I buy this Xbox 360 Slim.

[YoungTune.]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Flow: Your Flow is Always On Point, Good Job On That
Lyrics: You Stick To A Main Point, Not Really Alot Of Punchlines
Other: I Agree With Dreezy I Want You To Record This, It'll Sound Good Over A Beat
Overall: 5/5

Good Job Bro, Keep It Up

[YungNRuthless]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Flow - Goodjob
Lyrics - You was always dope, just saying.

Overall - 4.5/5

[BBeasley]

Re: Do It For Hip-Hop

Flow: Flow was good, but nothing like your other great ones, seems a tad bit maybe rushed?
Lyrics: Lyrics also good, some words throwin me off, but that's probably my fault haha.
Other: It was still a great rap, but it doesn't compare to some of your other's I've seen.

4.1/5