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  • #1

    Freestylee.

    I kinda like freestyling now.
    So, here I go..

    Sup niggas? I'm back.
    I'll kill yo whole family, and leave em dead; like I'm in Iraq.
    I shot ya momma in the back,
    Then put her head on yo daddy's sac.
    Ha, how'd youh like that?
    This ain't no diss.
    But i hope when youh read this, youh'll go take a piss.
    We use guns NO fists.
    Youh niggas on the top of the pussy lists.
    I cant see youh niggas, youh clear like water.
    I'll murder youh and yo fuckin father.
    And make sure I kidnap your future daughter.
    I'm just playin, I love kids.
    I'll put yo pussy ass in a jar, NO lid.
    I'll sell youh in a auction, one bid.
    There aint one girl in ya family, I aint did.
    Ckuz i dun did em all.
    They told me to ckall em back, and I aint even ckall.
    So now they commiting suicide in the bathroom stalls.
    I see them in portraits in the funerall hall.
    Nigga i'm high,
    Higher then the gas prices last July.
    Or higher then the gas prices in Two Thousand and Five.
    In ya girl's pussy, I took a Dive.
    Oops i forgot she aint alive.

    Was that good?

    Gimme feedback my niggas.

    Smoke good, eat good.
    Only fuck a bitch if her throat good, feet good.
    Just bought a fleetwood, and imma put some D's on that bitch.
    Looking like i gotta diamond disease on my wrist.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Freestylee.

    ight well tha last line after 2 iraq thing cut tha flow cuz it was too short, like tha syllables didnt really match up, ya dig? but overall it was good, keep goin at it

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Freestylee.

      Originally posted by xximaginingechoesxx
      ight well tha last line after 2 iraq thing cut tha flow cuz it was too short, like tha syllables didnt really match up, ya dig? but overall it was good, keep goin at it
      Yeah, i feel ya.
      I'm working on it.
      Imma get better!
      Lol, But Thanks Bro

      Smoke good, eat good.
      Only fuck a bitch if her throat good, feet good.
      Just bought a fleetwood, and imma put some D's on that bitch.
      Looking like i gotta diamond disease on my wrist.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Freestylee.

        Originally posted by koolkiddale13
        I kinda like freestyling now.
        So, here I go..

        Sup niggas? I'm back.
        I'll kill yo whole family, and leave em dead; like I'm in Iraq.
        Second line too long

        I shot ya momma in the back,
        Then put her head on yo daddy's sac.
        fine

        Ha, how'd youh like that?
        This ain't no diss.
        keep to having rhyming bars in pairs.

        But i hope when youh read this, youh'll go take a piss.
        We use guns NO fists.
        too short second line

        Youh niggas on the top of the pussy lists.
        I cant see youh niggas, youh clear like water.
        It obviously doesn't work because I'm critiquing in pairs

        I'll murder youh and yo fuckin father.
        And make sure I kidnap your future daughter.
        works

        I'm just playin, I love kids.
        I'll put yo pussy ass in a jar, NO lid.
        works

        I'll sell youh in a auction, one bid.
        There aint one girl in ya family, I aint did.
        no need for a comma, cus if you were rapping it'd need to be said together to match I think

        Ckuz i dun did em all.
        They told me to ckall em back, and I aint even ckall.
        Line's don't match in length

        So now they commiting suicide in the bathroom stalls.
        I see them in portraits in the funerall hall.
        need to lengthen the second line "I see them...gaunt faces in the funeral hall"

        Nigga i'm high,
        Higher then the gas prices last July.
        not bad

        Or higher then the gas prices in Two Thousand and Five.
        In ya girl's pussy, I took a Dive.
        too short or you'd need a big pause in the second line

        Oops i forgot she aint alive.

        Was that good?

        Gimme feedback my niggas.
        Writing music is fun, not to mention it gives you something to admire of your own..

        Anyways you should stick to keeping rhyming bars in pairs like such...:

        I'll run to your house and kill you
        body in the yard collectin' mildew
        but i don't care cus i say fuck life
        glock gripped tight finna hit a drive-by..
        “Nature has wisely judged that the distinction of ranks, the peace and order of society, would rest more securely upon the plain and palpable difference of birth and fortune, than upon the invisible and often uncertain difference of wisdom and virtue.

        -Adam Smith, Theory of Moral Sentiments

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Freestylee.

          Originally posted by trillphill
          Originally posted by koolkiddale13
          I kinda like freestyling now.
          So, here I go..

          Sup niggas? I'm back.
          I'll kill yo whole family, and leave em dead; like I'm in Iraq.
          Second line too long

          I shot ya momma in the back,
          Then put her head on yo daddy's sac.
          fine

          Ha, how'd youh like that?
          This ain't no diss.
          keep to having rhyming bars in pairs.

          But i hope when youh read this, youh'll go take a piss.
          We use guns NO fists.
          too short second line

          Youh niggas on the top of the pussy lists.
          I cant see youh niggas, youh clear like water.
          It obviously doesn't work because I'm critiquing in pairs

          I'll murder youh and yo fuckin father.
          And make sure I kidnap your future daughter.
          works

          I'm just playin, I love kids.
          I'll put yo pussy ass in a jar, NO lid.
          works

          I'll sell youh in a auction, one bid.
          There aint one girl in ya family, I aint did.
          no need for a comma, cus if you were rapping it'd need to be said together to match I think

          Ckuz i dun did em all.
          They told me to ckall em back, and I aint even ckall.
          Line's don't match in length

          So now they commiting suicide in the bathroom stalls.
          I see them in portraits in the funerall hall.
          need to lengthen the second line "I see them...gaunt faces in the funeral hall"

          Nigga i'm high,
          Higher then the gas prices last July.
          not bad

          Or higher then the gas prices in Two Thousand and Five.
          In ya girl's pussy, I took a Dive.
          too short or you'd need a big pause in the second line

          Oops i forgot she aint alive.

          Was that good?

          Gimme feedback my niggas.
          Writing music is fun, not to mention it gives you something to admire of your own..

          Anyways you should stick to keeping rhyming bars in pairs like such...:

          I'll run to your house and kill you
          body in the yard collectin' mildew
          but i don't care cus i say fuck life
          glock gripped tight finna hit a drive-by..
          Oh iight brah.

          Thanks

          Smoke good, eat good.
          Only fuck a bitch if her throat good, feet good.
          Just bought a fleetwood, and imma put some D's on that bitch.
          Looking like i gotta diamond disease on my wrist.

          Comment

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