Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

[Young Corruption]

I feel like i need to show ya'll that i am better than what i've been putting out so here is one verse of a unfinished song that i just recorded and i'm not done with the mixing but i want input so i can try to do that in the second verse when i right it
EDIT: i also haven't forgot the mixtapes that have dropped i just haven't got around to making a review but it will get done promise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evxMUm8xadc

Fuck being like George Bush, i'm not a stupid bitch
i'm on the Bill Clinton shit, i'm sleeping with your chick
i got wings coming out of back, hold on while we fly
i'll be coming for you girl, you don't need to hide

i'm trying to get better, can't you see that i cry?
look into my eyes and tell me that i'm a lie
the things that you say will hurt more than ever
the things that you say will last forever

i don't care what you say, i'm doing this for me
you'll die inside if your all about the greed
i'm done with this gangster shit, let me become free
i'm in the game to deep, please let me feed

i got the world on my shoulders and i'm becoming weak
sometimes i wanna die so i can get some sleep
but yet i'm brought back into these damn streets
i guess i'm in the game till my last heartbeat







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[JMSN]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

sounds like your reading your lyrics bro, try reading your lyrics over and over 'til you memorize them, then go in. trust me it'll end up sounding a lot better..
and to be honest, this beat isn't that good for your voice. maybe its just me, idk. and another thing, your lyrics are pretty basic, try using more dynamic rhymes and use mulites. #honestfeedback

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

damn it still sounds like i'm reading lyrics? i had the memorized and everything. maybe if i do more mixing i'll sound better. and yeah i was going for anything to complex one the first verse but i'll do that one the second verse when i write it. but i'll take everything you just said and try to work it in on the finished product. thank you for the time and feedback. i guess i'll re-record it all once it's finished and try to get it to sound a whole lot better

[mrr3ye5]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

Audio

Flow: 2/5
Lyrics: 3/5
Punchlines/Similes/Metaphors: 4/5
Overall Lyrics: Good
Other Notes: What MR. FTP Said, but potential no doubt!
Overall/Rating:

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

really my flow was off? i was going with the claps in the background

[Tha Professor]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

The flow did not sound sogood, but it was on point.
way too many "i"'s and "i'm"'s in each bar
2/5

[broc717]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

throw some more emotion into your stuff my dude, keep grindin and perfect it my dude

[ATG]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

Yeah more emotions hommie
work on your flow
lyrics were on point.
And work on a more solid voice if that makes any sense.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

thank ya'll for the feedback. when i re-record/finish the song i will try to add what everyone has said. this is the reason i haven't written the second verse so that i can have input on what to do

[MC_Crary]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

I like the style of the lyrics. Can't figure how to describe it. The flow could still use some work. The mastering on thi is better than your cypher versse for sure. Just try to memorize your lyrics like ftp said anf then record it'll make it sound better. Keep up the progresion though man.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

I like the style of the lyrics. Can't figure how to describe it. The flow could still use some work. The mastering on thi is better than your cypher versse for sure. Just try to memorize your lyrics like ftp said anf then record it'll make it sound better. Keep up the progresion though man.

well thank you for liking the style of lyrics. i wanna try trying different things and yeah the mixing i didn't do much to cause i wanna download a couple of new vst that noble was talking to me able on fb. but i'll do what ya'll say and hopefully in the next couple of days i'll get a this track finished and drop it

[mykill]

Re: Young Corruption: Fly(unfinished)

G.R.I.N.D. coming soon. </shamelessplug>

Flow: C
Lyrics: C

Overall: 3/5, I can see how you're working hard to develop more and progress. I'm not blind to your efforts man, but its the same thing as MAC was saying: Lyrically you're improving well (I enjoy your deep, meaningful words you pen) but that Flow still needs some fine tunin'. One thing that helped me work on my flow was I would listen to my songs over and over again, then I would learn the lyrics and rap with the song and I could hear the difference and learn where my pitfalls were. That helped me re-record songs better and later on helped me flow better with the track. Ive included a reference track, with your lyrics, and maybe that can help you.

HOLD UP! Upon recording the reference track I realize that the problem might not be your flow. Check the lyrics man. I was trying to set up a reference track for you, but line 3 was kinda hard for me to fit into the tempo. It's just too many words for that line. My suggestion is to re-write this first, and see if you cant streamline the lyrics.