My First Raps

[Artille]

Well I guess I'm gonna get in this shit...

Money come fast like a runner
I make hits, you just a one hit wonder
I flow like lightning, and yes I bring the thunder
And if you touch my money you're goin' six feet under...
The ground or the road
When I jump on a track, I go beast mode
Drink a lot of syrup, so my flow kinda slowed
Like a slug or a snail
You pussies can't see me like you fuckin' read braille
Flow retarded like a dog chasin' his tail
You pussies faker than a fairy tale
I succeed, everybody else fail
Yall So stupid, and I'm so Yale...
Yea, I'm so smart
Got precision aim at your bulls eye like a dart
And that dart sharper than the hair on Bart
Yea bitch I'm the shit, everybody else a fart
And I've been running this game since Mario Kart

My first 16, Lemme know what you think.

[koolkiddale13]

Re: My first 16

Omgggg!!
Damn brahh.
Youh seaid youh pussies ckant see me like youh reading Braille!

Hahah, sick flow bro.
My niggas will see this later..
They ain't online right now.

Damn that was straight fireee!

[Artille]

Re: My first 16

Thanks man. I'm just lookin for some real feedback, because all I ever hear from my school is shit about me being white. But, yea I appreciate the feedback

[koolkiddale13]

Re: My first 16

Oh dang, thats messed up, about your school.

But yeah, when everybody get on later..
They will really look at this shit..
Nice work bro.

[MissDrizzy]

Re: My first 16

Omgggg!!
Damn brahh.
Youh seaid youh pussies ckant see me like youh reading Braille!

Hahah, sick flow bro.

Damn that was straight fireee!

Agree to the fullest. I liked it
before that, but that line is
where I decided you have alotta
potential. Keep postin' ya shit.

[YungMulaTheImage]

Re: My first 16

how bout "i drink so much syrup, call me aunt jemina
you such a pussy, i'll call you a vagina"
ahaha, that's my favorite thing ive ever written
but yeah sick flow

[Artille]

Re: My first 16

lol sick lines bro. This is the first time that I have actually written/typed anything.
Normally I just recite a verse, but never write. Heres something I recited a while back.

As soon as I walked through the door
Shawty knew she would get ate to the core
Like an apple...
I drink her fluids like Snapple
She ride my dick like a saddle
Then she milk me like cattle
I can murder anybody in a fuckin battle
I got them boys scared, and yea I make 'em rattle
I get straight to the next line, no huddle
My flow so insane, its not suttle
Me and your girl, we can just cuddle
Or maybe I can smash and get her wetter than a puddle
Or should I say rain
I'm a head hunter so you know I love brain
I fuck your girl so hard, she'll have to walk wit a cane
Haha, bitch I'm so insane
I'm the best in the game
Call me Mr. Hall of Fame

[koolkiddale13]

Re: My first 16

lol sick lines bro. This is the first time that I have actually written/typed anything.
Normally I just recite a verse, but never write. Heres something I recited a while back.

As soon as I walked through the door
Shawty knew she would get ate to the core
Like an apple...
I drink her fluids like Snapple
She ride my dick like a saddle
Then she milk me like cattle
I can murder anybody in a fuckin battle
I got them boys scared, and yea I make 'em rattle
I get straight to the next line, no huddle
My flow so insane, its not suttle
Me and your girl, we can just cuddle
Or maybe I can smash and get her wetter than a puddle
Or should I say rain
I'm a head hunter so you know I love brain
I fuck your girl so hard, she'll have to walk wit a cane
Haha, bitch I'm so insane
I'm the best in the game
Call me Mr. Hall of Fame

Damnn!!
Brah, Sick Againnn.

I like the first 2 verses,
And after that youh went hard.
Keep going at it.

[Artille]

Re: My First Raps

Thanks. Do you have any advice?

[koolkiddale13]

Re: My First Raps

Thanks. Do you have any advice?

Nah man..
Ya doing very good.
No advice from me, I think your very good.
Just keep going harder man.

[Patriarch]

Re: My First Raps

Hello Artille. I see that you have met the dick-sucking welcoming party. Your first verse was much better than your second. I would say that you're still struggling to find a flow, as your rhymes contain many good punchlines, but lack any rhythmic pattern. For example, often in rap you have a standard length to your lines. Because of this, producing a short line often means that you follow it up with a longer one.

Additionally, and most importantly, keep in mind that the style of rap which you are doing does not lend itself well to white people. It's also played-out. The true spirit of hip-hop lives in the unexplored rhymes and themes.

[YungMulaTheImage]

Re: My First Raps

Hello Artille. I see that you have met the dick-sucking welcoming party. Your first verse was much better than your second. I would say that you're still struggling to find a flow, as your rhymes contain many good punchlines, but lack any rhythmic pattern. For example, often in rap you have a standard length to your lines. Because of this, producing a short line often means that you follow it up with a longer one.

Additionally, and most importantly, keep in mind that the style of rap which you are doing does not lend itself well to white people. It's also played-out. The true spirit of hip-hop lives in the unexplored rhymes and themes.

patriarch i bet you dont even listen 2 hip hop u 40 year old still livin with his mom. maybe u could go be a snob at a library where ppl will b relieved 2 tell u 2 not talk. muthafucker