(Rate it) This Is What Rock N Roll Looks Like Verse - J.P.

[UnknownP]

alright, i came up with this while taking a shower, lol

I don't know who I am,
I don't know where I am,
I got this text telling me she'll be there as fast as she can
I don't know who she is,
but I know where she wanna put her lips,
she don't want no drama,
she just wanna be my bitch

I'm rockin all day, i'm rollin all night,
i don't sleep for days, but it's alright,
I've got my shades on, i've got some ink on,
I'mma be famous bitch, get my blink on

I'm just a rapper, i don't play guitar,
but i don't give a fuck, i'm still a rockstar


feedback:
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/t26047/
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/t23086/
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/t22226/

[Dukez]

Re: (Rate it) This Is What Rock N Roll Looks Like Verse - J.P.

hey man
how long ahve you been writing?

they rhyme is alright, i like the " but I know where she wanna put her lips, she don't want no drama, she just wanna be my bitch" line.
i also like the rockin all day rollin all night line, it could just mean ROCK N ROLL and it oculd mean being on E at night...clever.

But what i dislike the most is your pause flow use....its like that new wayne shit...
write full lines instead of short bursts and JUST THAT will make your whole rhyme scheme better

for example, ima get famous bitch get my muthafuckin blink on....it just sounds fuller...

you dont have to follow that exactly obv....


CHECK OUT my shit. Mafia music and We back soon and rate it!!

[UnknownP]

Re: (Rate it) This Is What Rock N Roll Looks Like Verse - J.P.

hey man
how long ahve you been writing?

they rhyme is alright, i like the " but I know where she wanna put her lips, she don't want no drama, she just wanna be my bitch" line.
i also like the rockin all day rollin all night line, it could just mean ROCK N ROLL and it oculd mean being on E at night...clever.

But what i dislike the most is your pause flow use....its like that new wayne shit...
write full lines instead of short bursts and JUST THAT will make your whole rhyme scheme better

for example, ima get famous bitch get my muthafuckin blink on....it just sounds fuller...

you dont have to follow that exactly obv....


CHECK OUT my shit. Mafia music and We back soon and rate it!!

hey, i've been writing down shit for about 6 months or something, wrote some stuff in swedish before, but it kind of sucked, haha

thanks, i'm pretty proud of those lines!
yeah i know what you're saying, but i had the real song on in the background, and just rapped over weezy's verse, i think that's what caused the pauses.
i definitely appreciate your feedback, and i will check out your shit!