Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

[Glen F Baby]

Bomb Verse

Girl you the bomb, baby can I be your match?
I know the good life can seem like a catch,
Girl you great, to me you are a 9,
But if you found the one then you'd be a dime

This ain't 911 but on this beat I'm bombing,
I'm rare like the planets going into alignment,
I'm gon' leave you speechless with my rhyming,
Like FaceBook you gon' like this, no comment

I came from the bottom up like some throw up,
And no one can command me, I'm like a boner,
I go hard as a mothafucka when I wanna,
I'm the bomb, I'm blowing up - suicide bomber

[Dukez]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

Yo glen

I like it for the most part. But some of the punchlines are hit n miss in the sense that the set up ideas are good but not the execution (actual punch itself).
Still though i found myself smiling at some lines like the throw up one. Very clever!!

[Glen F Baby]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

Yo glen

I like it for the most part. But some of the punchlines are hit n miss in the sense that the set up ideas are good but not the execution (actual punch itself).
Still though i found myself smiling at some lines like the throw up one. Very clever!!

Which ones?

[Dukez]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

for example, i dont care for the rare planets line.... it just doesnt HIT the way it should.

I see what you're trying to say and its pretty clever how far removed you went to describe RARE but keep trying at it

also do you mean DIME when you say 10? cuz it doesnt rhyme otherwise.
i gotta say though the boner line is mad funny!!

keep it up!! btw i just put up another 2 verses of Mafia Music, check it out brotha

[Glen F Baby]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

for example, i dont care for the rare planets line.... it just doesnt HIT the way it should.

I see what you're trying to say and its pretty clever how far removed you went to describe RARE but keep trying at it

also do you mean DIME when you say 10? cuz it doesnt rhyme otherwise.
i gotta say though the boner line is mad funny!!

keep it up!! btw i just put up another 2 verses of Mafia Music, check it out brotha

Well isn't "dime" like offensive? That wasn't really an offensive line so it'd kinda contradict, ya know? And well if you heard a recording of me doing this verse you'd see that I make it rhyme. And well the planets line I thought it was pretty decent, but ya know I'm always up for a little conventional criticism so maybe elaborate on it?

---------- Post added at 12:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:18 PM ----------

Also I thought that my FB line was one of the best lines in the verse, if not the best.

[Dukez]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

my comment got deleted for some reason so ima post again

dime is not offensive. dime piece is a double meaning for drug weight and a girl that is a 10.

the fb line is actually the best line because you say speechless in the bar before and then bring it full circle with "no comment".... very nicely done.

i posted some new shit check it dawgz

[Glen F Baby]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

Oh OK. So what is it outta 10?

[Dukez]

Re: Bomb Verse By Mr. HAM (Me!)

5/10.

your ideas are good but you need to concentrate on execution AKA sounding a lil slicker