No Hands Rap

[Lord of Kaos]

Sorry for the all caps, btw. Just wanted to have it stand out and get attention lol. Anyway, I wrote this a few hours ago and wanted some feedback for it to see if I should pursue a rap career or not. Then again, I'm probably going to do it whether you guys like it or not but hopefully you do lol.

I said look ma, no hands
Rocking out with some vans
She got the Chuck Taylor's with the skinny pants
Make him feel that flame like a frying pan
Niggas don't like me, oh so mad
Break ya girl heart, why so sad
Whippin like willow, rolling armadillos
And I betcha girl finna lay it down on my pillow
Got a bad bitch? bet you don't get to keep her
Got her shaking that ass like the girl having a seizure
Ice so cold that my cough might freeze ya
Bout to run the game, call the boy Yung Caesar
We straight shooting, we aint using no hands
Bullets fuck ya over like a bad romance
Now he doing da runnin man, like he just tryin to go dance
I aint got time for trash, put him in garbage cans
Yung ass nigga, cumin straight from Tennessee
I know who got it, you can get it for Tenn-a-key
And she shaking dat ass, and she doing real fast
And she doing it with no hands, like an amputee

Please drop a detailed response on what you like and don't like.

[Tha Professor]

Re: No Hands Rap

you're better than a lot of the people that only chill at the writers block..

Start recawdin' brotha!

[Lord of Kaos]

Re: No Hands Rap

Thanks homie! On some other raps, I'm kinda metaphor and punchline heavy, though I'm trying to incorporate a more lyrical approach now to better my skills. I might be posting some more verses sooner or later lol.

[FuckTheFeds]

Re: No Hands Rap

nice job..
ok look ma no hands, and no darlin i dont dance,
but my dick i will take out my pants,
im a nasty type of guy, check ur pussy it aint dry,
and them hoes they know why, and i try,
not to leave a surpise, in between her pie,
cause if it happens, you can kiss your life bye bye,
and the way i flow is like a drive by,
i dont miss, i light a flame and i just piss,
fuck a wish, better believe i get my dish,
and give my diss, is this really it,
when u fuck with this stupid ass fuckin shit,

[Lord of Kaos]

Re: No Hands Rap

Thanks.

And sorry, but I just can't catch the flow of your song. I'm playing the instrumental trying to see how the verse goes to the beat, but I can't catch it ><

[FuckTheFeds]

Re: No Hands Rap

it was just a verse..not a song,and it goes with the beat..

[Lord of Kaos]

Re: No Hands Rap

Sorry, I was kinda spaced out earlier when I read it lol. My contacts were giving me a headache and I got into a big argument with this guy over something trivial so I was probably in a bad mood and wan't to give crappy comments. Sorry bro. Oh and I think I meant verse earlier lol

I just said it in my head to the beat and now I see what you were saying earlier. It does rhyme with the beat. It has an internal rhyme scheme to it that I caught when I played the beat lol. Nice job dude. ^.^