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verse i just wrote please rate/critque

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  • verse i just wrote please rate/critque

    Ok these are just a couple verses id like to get some input on, tell me what you think,

    I appreciate all input.




    From (my city,sensered to stay anonymous) ,where everybodies broke,
    Poverty in these streets and the shits no joke.
    Make a litlle money just to spend it on the dope,
    Then ya realize that you cant afford the note,
    Pocets full of nothin and hearts full of pain
    Livin in the drough just prayin for the rain
    Saw my mom cry cuz we just lost the car
    Swore to her then that i would take us far
    Not doin it for me im doin it for us
    She believedin me and i wont break that trust
    i got us through the drought and now i bring the rain
    Put an end to the problems and a stop to the pain
    Ya gotta be tough and ya gotta stay strong
    Gotta keep ya chin up and just move on
    Dont think about it, nah, you just gotta do it
    And if you got a dream you gotta stay true to it
    Went from eatin ramon noodles,every single day
    To not eatin it if it aint gourme
    Thats word on the gospel,some real ass talk
    Yall might paer chase, but me i paper stalk

  • #2
    Re: verse i just wrote please rate/critque

    I really like it. It's deep. Only thing that let you down is spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. But I really liked it though.

    My favorite part: Saw my mom cry cuz we just lost the car
    Swore to her then that i would take us far

    4/5 easily.

    Great Work Mate.



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    • #3
      Re: verse i just wrote please rate/critque

      Thanks man,i really appreciate it.Also, i apologise for the spellling errors just got a 12 hour shift.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: verse i just wrote please rate/critque

        Originally posted by Love Is In The Air View Post
        Thanks man,i really appreciate it.Also, i apologise for the spellling errors just got a 12 hour shift.
        Nah, it's not that bad but it just sours a great first impression a little. Your a talented person, not many amateurs can paint such a vivid picture.

        I love this line: Pockets full of nothin and hearts full of pain

        This verse is already more lyrical than Birdmans career.



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        • #5
          Re: verse i just wrote please rate/critque

          Its awesome to get some input thank you again.Anyone else?

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          • #6
            Re: verse i just wrote please rate/critque

            i like it, and i can feel wat ur saying, unlike these other ppl who write shit that u dont know where its going.

            4/5

            check out my shit:

            http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/wri...ve-lyrics.html
            Originally posted by Shake
            Why so negative all the time???

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