quick rap. feedback please!

[BreTX]

my brother did a quick rap and was asking me for feedback, i didnt wanna be bias
and saw this section in the forum. so he would like some feed back, please


she didnt wanna sit an chat,
didnt wanna face the fact,
that we had chemistry,
but i know she still misses me.
she loved it when i would rub her feet,
kiss her nose and cheeks,
or when i'd take her out to eat,
buy her everything, give her what she need,
do it right fa' my only queen.
but now she's just in my dreams,
she done left my team,
went to the east from the west,
went from lakers to heats,
gotta get this off my chest,
how could she cheat?
i just left didnt wanna work it out,
didnt give her the benefit of the doubt,
just ran out the house,
i gave her one last look,she stood open-mouthed.
its done, were over.
red rover, red rover, send her bitch ass back ova

[Chaz904]

Re: quick rap. feedback please!

Pretty good, 7/10. I'd like to here his flow for this.

[ProBitaz.]

Re: quick rap. feedback please!

Pretty good, 7/10. I'd like to here his flow for this.

This tbh. I would like to hear him RAP this. It's actually aight.

[BreTX]

Re: quick rap. feedback please!

thanks! he's gonna be excited, i'll tell him to record a video or something.

[Chaz904]

Re: quick rap. feedback please!

Tbh, I think it would be better if he changed it to were the song was directed at the chick, instead of talking about the chick. fo example..

Girl, you don't want to sit and chat?,
Baby, you have to face the fact,
that we had chemistry,
and I kknow damn well that you miss me.
or when i rubbed your feet,
kissed your nose and cheeks,
or when i'd take you out to eat,
buy you everything, and give you what you need,
do it right fa' my only queen.
but now you're in my dreams,
you done left my team,

ECT

[mykill]

Re: quick rap. feedback please!

this flows pretty well. love storytelling-esque raps like this. the first forum I was on, I posted a lot of similar raps and that's how I got my start. Chaz, you got a good suggestion making it more directed towards the lady. makes it more entrancing. but none the less, still a solid bunch of bars. tell your brother good job

Rating: **** out of 5 Stars