Nightmares of the bottom

[Tunechi2835]

Wrote a verse to nightmares of the bottom dont have a mic yet so im just gunna post a few lines letme kno wht ya think btw its the first time i wrote any kind of rap and did the whole verse in about 40 minutes and theres 8 mores lines after this dont wana put it all out before i actually record it

sleeping at the top nightmares of the bottom
everybody wana be fly till yu want em

but who am i to talk i am not perfection
we are all corectable and that is my direction
money is what im chasing and that is my infection
rap is my game have you seen me in action
if i said i am the best what would be your reaction

sleeping at the top nightmares are what im having
im real to the game and no im not acting

[mykill]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom

the rhyme scheme gets off on the "-seen me in action" line. Has to be triple syllable like in-fection, re-action, etc. you can get away with saying "have you even seen me in action" and i think that makes it flow better. other than that, this is pretty solid.

Rating: ***1/2 stars

[Tunechi2835]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom

any tips on how i could improve ?

[mykill]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom

like i said, you got the basics. if you want to expand, Id suggest working on your wordplay a bit more and your multies. what I did is I would listen to some good wordplay rappers so i could hear it in action, then apply the techniques next time I wrote something. also helps to recite it when you write it, that way you can hear the rhyme scheme going and amend it where needed to make it work better. that help?