Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

[Coleon]

I mainly want feed on the mixing and how my slow flow turned out. Thanks guys.

Download Coleon - Liar Liar.mp3 - Supashare.net

Lyrics:
Lift the bell jar, let the truth bleed through
The static back drop we all used to cling to
We've all lied, little white ones to keep due
Bigger fabrications, find em on the evenin' news
Blamin' Islam in Norway 'fore the smoke cleared
Treasure that escape goat, somethin that we hold dear
Breivik's got blue eyes with that gold hair
But he's too pale to pose a threat...don't fear
Slow there, it's a slippery slope here
And oh yeah...you better wait til the coast clears
To throw spears, cause no matter what your aim is
They'll label you as racist, crazed men, or pagans
Because they hate when you go against the grain it's
Insane shit, look at John Brown in the pages
Of history textbooks, if even gets looks
They'll forget his best work, pin head dead crook

Link of Feed:
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...oductions.html

[Sentus]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

This doesn't sound like you lol, you did something different with your voice it sounds like. Your flow sounded perfect to me, I didn't really like the pause in "But he's too pale to pose a threat...don't fear" but it didn't really hurt anything. My only other problem was that it was hard to understand you on the first line but you picked it up after that.

I'm glad you have so much time to record little verses like that

[YUNG DIEZEL]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

u gotta stop wit these 1 verse joints, and do a full song.
i know that sounds hypocritical comming from me lol .
i stopped droppin music on here, im tired of doin just one verse freestyles. lol,
i still havnt completed a full song in months.
anyways.
the slow flow was st8 but i always like to here switchups in flow, or change in cadence or rhymescheme if the speed doesnt change, which i think u did.
i listend to this without reading the lyrics and was like wtf , then i came back to the thread to read it, and got it.

Blamin' Islam in Norway 'fore the smoke cleared
Treasure that escape goat, somethin that we hold dear

^^^ thats one of the lines that didnt make sense until i read it. becuz the use of the "before" contraction.
nice political verse and lyricism, not just a bunch of punchlines, or braggin, it actually had a theme about the lies in society, nice.
the last line kinda ended awkwardly or sumthin, i dunno.
listen to it , and you'll see what im talkin bout.
i dont know why, but your voice got dat baby sound in it still, but its cool lol.

[Coleon]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

Sentus, I personally think it sounds like Brother Ali...

Diezel thanks man but it's a 16 bar series so I couldn't go any longer. The awkward pause is because I was and still might make this a lot longer. Maybe scrap the verse and pick a different topic.

[broc717]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

this was on point my dude, im feelin the syllable rhymes and i also like the flow to the beat, keep on your grind my dude



check my new track and return the favor if you get a chance fam

[Coleon]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

Thanks for peepin it Broc

[WRiTESiCKRHYMES]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

this is dope. definitely like the political aspect of it. beat is dope too. and yeah your flow was practically perfect on this. good work

[Coleon]

Re: Coleon - Liar Liar (ThisMeansWar - 16 Bars)

Appreciate you checkin it^