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What do you think of the lyrics of my first recorded track?

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  • What do you think of the lyrics of my first recorded track?

    K so i posted my first recorded song in this thread http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...ambitions.html


    And i only got feedback from one person,i do wanna know if the flow is good but i mainly wanna get some inpuut on the writing

    rarely say my prayors but im puffin on the crossjoint
    hairpin trigga slpit ya figure with the hollowpoints
    god forgive me for the way that i am livn
    repent for my sins n pray my soul be forgivin
    follow me i can show you the way
    to get up up off ya ass n get paid
    verbal killer if you hear me your a witness,hear a new song add that bitch to my hitlist
    leave em in aww leave your girl sayin aww damn
    step up to me boy come on n get ya jaw jammed
    get ya girl fukked or get ya pockets emptied
    get ya life took so please dont tempt me
    and ill b paid til the day that the reaper comes
    he better come strapped cuz ill be waitin here with 20 guns
    yall hatin on me cuz im fresher than soap
    n u dont c me but i see u thru my scope
    pow bang boom whatever
    make it rain bullets now youre under the weather
    hit what i shoot for my aims never off
    got the red dot lazor on the kalishnakov(real name for ak-47)
    never stop shootin im a man on a mission
    only take a pause to reload ammuniton
    ak 47 and the pump 12 gauge one blast ya ass and the other one sprays
    ak47 put some fukkin holes in em
    and the armor piercin rounds make that kevlar look like denim
    ridin in the lac and that bitch forrest green
    and it got a big trunk do u know what i mean
    middle of the night we in the woods with a shovel
    bury your cadeavor do it fast on the double
    paid off some pigs i aint worried bout the 5-0
    dont worry bout me only worry for my rivals
    we dont fukk with snitches and the whole block is silent
    n if we got a problem we resolve it with violence
    my grass is the greenest it aint greener on the other side
    put a foot on my grass and thatll be a homicide\
    cant fukk with me im a lyrical giant
    gotta extra phone for my bitches and my clients
    runnin your mouth man u must b feelin cocky
    somebody shoulda told u i gotta left hook like rocky
    quit a good job but my papers still good tho
    it made me forget who i was like donnie brasco
    mafia money and a mafiadon's swag
    handsome ass looks and a mike tyson jab
    fist in ya face and a barrel down ya throat
    hang ya in ya room leave a suicide note
    show up at ya funeral in luie vatton
    wink at ya girlfriend and comfort your mom

  • #2
    Re: What do you think of the lyrics of my first recorded track?

    you got good flow, i m not lyrically very strong so for me it is cool and for me overall it is 4/5

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