feedback on this verse?

[OfficiallyE]

I'm bout to go lyrical dropping,
fuck with me, bring out the heat. Jalepeno popping.
Blew out my breaks bitch I ain't stopping.
Never change me no matter how many times you crop em.
If this games an ice cream cone then I'm the topping.
My girl got so wet, after were done, no cuddling, just mopping.
But i had to give her the dick, so excited she was hopping.
So i knew the only thing left to do was to get that pussy poppin.

[OllyCarterz]

Re: feedback on this verse?

A kid of 6 could write those..

Dropping,popping,stopping,crop em,topping,mopping,hopping.poppin..


Cmonn

[OfficiallyE]

Re: feedback on this verse?

I OD'd on the "opping" aight.

Not to get personal but this shits comparison,
who's living at the top and who's still buried in.
I’m going so hard, it looks like ill always win.
Live it for the excitement and adrenaline.
My lyrics get people jacked up, while yours lay there thin.
Bitch, im coming right at you, Kill you and your next of kin.

---------- Post added at 06:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:29 PM ----------

Man I'm so tired of balling I sleep a lot now
I'll let my goons rush you like Moscow
Gun at your eyebrow pow pow
Man I ball hard even with 5 fouls
Yeah we in this bitch like tampon's
Dump you in the woods now get your camp on
Choke hold around this shit 'cause I'm so hands on
I get high as fuck and Polo sheets is what I lands on
Back against the wall and my two feet is what I stand on
Diva in the room she blowing me just like a band horn
Got her on her knees the same knees that she be prayin' on
Now she just text her girlfriend with a capital, you can join
Yeah, what y'all wanna do I'm all ears
Smoking on that head band call that shit Paul Pierce
I'm just so ahead of my time like dog years
Ball like Solange, India Arie, Britney Spears

yeah im on rhyming repetition, but heres a verse from Gonorrhea. i know im no wayne, but you gon hate on this too?

[OllyCarterz]

Re: feedback on this verse?

I OD'd on the "opping" aight.

Not to get personal but this shits comparison,
who's living at the top and who's still buried in.
I’m going so hard, it looks like ill always win.
Live it for the excitement and adrenaline.
My lyrics get people jacked up, while yours lay there thin.
Bitch, im coming right at you, Kill you and your next of kin.

---------- Post added at 06:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:29 PM ----------

Man I'm so tired of balling I sleep a lot now
I'll let my goons rush you like Moscow
Gun at your eyebrow pow pow
Man I ball hard even with 5 fouls
Yeah we in this bitch like tampon's
Dump you in the woods now get your camp on
Choke hold around this shit 'cause I'm so hands on
I get high as fuck and Polo sheets is what I lands on
Back against the wall and my two feet is what I stand on
Diva in the room she blowing me just like a band horn
Got her on her knees the same knees that she be prayin' on
Now she just text her girlfriend with a capital, you can join
Yeah, what y'all wanna do I'm all ears
Smoking on that head band call that shit Paul Pierce
I'm just so ahead of my time like dog years
Ball like Solange, India Arie, Britney Spears

yeah im on rhyming repetition, but heres a verse from Gonorrhea. i know im no wayne, but you gon hate on this too?

Since i know waynes flow, and yours not..


and i didnt hate bruhh just sayin..