Apollo- Nightmares of the Bottom Verse

[Lord of Kaos]

I'm writing a NotB cover right now and got the first 16 bars done and decided to post the lyrics and get a little feedback on them while I work on the rest of the song and see what you all think about them so far. Tbh, I might scrap the NotB song and add the lyrics to this 30mins to N.O. junt I'm doing...

Sleepin at the top, I aint neva comin down
And if I do fall off, bet I land up in a cloud
Bet I make my momma proud, with my city on my shoulders
A real Mound soldier, never breaking my composure
And I'm barely ever sober, still crafting some of the best shit
Took a nap up in the race, still ahead of all the rest trick
Still fighting with my eyes close, still sippin til I overdose
More weed, more syrup, more liqour, and bout forty hoes
Trynna live it right, but keep choking on some of the best smoke
Niggas wanna fight, but I'm just gone let the rest joke
Swimmin with the sharks so these folks gotta hit up the breast stroke
These niggas stay broke and wanna croak but they girl want a poke
Standing at a crossroads, making a decision
So i walk right thru da middle of dat bitch and dat's a given
Just peep out how I'm feeling, they tell me make a living
I tell them I'm a hustler and I rather make a killing

Wanna get a little feed back right quick to see how it sounds so far. All criticism is welcome.

[UnknownP]

Re: Apollo- Nightmares of the Bottom Verse

I don't like the second line, that one about landing on a cloud. And also I think you should try to make this joint a bit more meaningful but otherwise it's quite good.

And, I hope you really are black, and that you really are smoking weed and sippin syrup, cause I hate all these fake bitches who adds this to their lyrics, trying to be cool.

A solid 3/5.

[Lord of Kaos]

Re: Apollo- Nightmares of the Bottom Verse

I don't like the second line, that one about landing on a cloud. And also I think you should try to make this joint a bit more meaningful but otherwise it's quite good.

And, I hope you really are black, and that you really are smoking weed and sippin syrup, cause I hate all these fake bitches who adds this to their lyrics, trying to be cool.

A solid 3/5.

The second line is like how high up that I am. Even if they say I fell off, I'm still higher up than they are, hence the cloud metaphor. It's a bit cocky but I like it lol. And yeah, I'm black from Memphis, Tenn. Syrup and weed's big here, especially in Orange Mound where I live lmao.

And thanks for the feedback. I'm actually thinking about scrapping this song and adding it to this other project I'm doing right now. I rapped it along to this other beat and it's just pure fire on there. Might record it within a few days if I get off my ass and stop smoking/popping long enough to be in a sober mindset to do it lol. Maybe I should do it now...

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Apollo- Nightmares of the Bottom Verse

"Swimmin with the sharks so these folks gotta hit up the breast stroke"
idk if ur chill with me givin a suggestion but if u changed that shit to "swimmin in bitches so now i swim that breast stroke" or sumthin like that it wud be pretty dope. jussayin. otherwise shit was nice but like u said it might sound better on a different beat