Boom! - (Merc Remix)

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

http://hulkshare.com/5rg1v3yu5j28

aight i worked on this shit on monday and tuesday and didnt like a couple bars and needed to figure out my mastering and all that. heres the final version i tried to work on my flow, mic presence/voice, and mastering. check it out and make sure to give me feedback cuz i need it to get better!
2nd verse is my favorite gotta end it strong right?

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
M-e-r-c ya im runnin the streets
I got that filet turn u guys to ground beef
now let me translate that shit to whitespeak
M-e-r-c I have no mercy
bury you in the ground right under my feet
ya man im talking right beneath
now u dead, make u drop like lead cuz she drop it like its hot
make that gun go boom!
pop u like a mothafuckin balloon
u outside of the building I am in the room
man this that braggadocios rap
look at your car that’s a piece of crap
but hold on come back regress like a lecture
I got the floor plans no architecture
say u the best? That’s a damn conjecture
girl I aint a doctor but I can inspect ya
u want me to fuckin respect ya? Well they been callin me the damn rejecta
girl u want my numba hold up ill text ya.
Like an assembly line next next and next uh

[Verse 2]
man u sad
no really u messed up
no punchlines and your rhymes aint stressed up
commit that crime right away u fessed up
u only care bout school and u disregard the rest huh?
money cars clothes it aint even that simple
funny how ya flow so slow u gotta triple…time the amount of blows I throw before u become a cripple
im goin beast mode on this shit shout out to B.O.
ur rhymes stink bad u shud grab a stick of deo
u stuck with your hand well me ive got a trio
in a place exotic u culd call it Rio
tropic of cancer I aint talking bout chemo
when It comes to rhymes u could say ive got the primo
errywhere u go u hear my voice no echo
u miss the layup I drain the mothafuckin free throw bitch //

feedback:
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/t35242/
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/t35149/

[Cli-City]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

When I first heard the beat, I was like ohhhh shit this nigga about to go in....Sadly it didn't happen, I can tell you don't rap much because you don't sound too comfortable...If this is your first time rapping its pretty good..Lyrics are not that good to be honest but there are some lines in there that are fire...

"say u the best? That’s a damn conjecture
girl I aint a doctor but I can inspect ya" - Dope set of lines......

Get more comfortable with keeping your bars on beat bro....keep it simple at first and make sure the words are no too long for the bar....Overall not a pretty good job, but if you keep at it you should be straight....

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

When I first heard the beat, I was like ohhhh shit this nigga about to go in....Sadly it didn't happen, I can tell you don't rap much because you don't sound too comfortable...If this is your first time rapping its pretty good..Lyrics are not that good to be honest but there are some lines in there that are fire...

"say u the best? That’s a damn conjecture
girl I aint a doctor but I can inspect ya" - Dope set of lines......

Get more comfortable with keeping your bars on beat bro....keep it simple at first and make sure the words are no too long for the bar....Overall not a pretty good job, but if you keep at it you should be straight....

thanks for the feedback man. ya this the third song ive posted so i havnt been rappin too long just gotta keep practicin. i actually felt really good about this song i thought it was an improvement so to hear u say that kida bums me but u always keep it real on here and i know your not bein overly harsh plus i gotta get criticism to get better. I know im still tryin to work on my mic presence and shit like my flow cuz when i rap it it sounds perfect but then when i play it back it sounds all slow and shit. idk its probably just bein a beginner but ya thanks man. also gonna just give myself a shout out lol from these lines cuz idk if erryone got it or not :im goin beast mode on this shit shout out to B.O.
ur rhymes stink bad u shud grab a stick of deo tryin to say beast mode cuz the B.o.B song (shout out B.O.) but then next ur rhymes stink bad (like B.O.= body odor). idk watever but thanks for listenin man #ramble

[Cli-City]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

thanks for the feedback man. ya this the third song ive posted so i havnt been rappin too long just gotta keep practicin. i actually felt really good about this song i thought it was an improvement so to hear u say that kida bums me but u always keep it real on here and i know your not bein overly harsh plus i gotta get criticism to get better. I know im still tryin to work on my mic presence and shit like my flow cuz when i rap it it sounds perfect but then when i play it back it sounds all slow and shit. idk its probably just bein a beginner but ya thanks man. also gonna just give myself a shout out lol from these lines cuz idk if erryone got it or not :im goin beast mode on this shit shout out to B.O.
ur rhymes stink bad u shud grab a stick of deo tryin to say beast mode cuz the B.o.B song (shout out B.O.) but then next ur rhymes stink bad (like B.O.= body odor). idk watever but thanks for listenin man #ramble

Can't front now that you explained that line it is soo much doper...

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Can't front now that you explained that line it is soo much doper...

haha thanks man. btw love what your doin in the studio section with ur raps too

[akkucc]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Nice man i like it. good luck work more on flow then everything is gonna be alright. good luck!!

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

bumpin this ish

[Checkmatemuzick]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Lryics are on point u just gotta work on ya delivery. Once u get ur delivery down packed #problemseason cuz dat B.O was slick as far but ya delivery made me over look it but none to lease ima keep fukn wit u and ya music #keepgoin

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Lryics are on point u just gotta work on ya delivery. Once u get ur delivery down packed #problemseason cuz dat B.O was slick as far but ya delivery made me over look it but none to lease ima keep fukn wit u and ya music #keepgoin

thanks man i preciate that cuz i felt like if anything was stronger in this song my ounchlines were on point. but yeah tryna work on that delivery imma keep checkin ur shit too homie

[mykill]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Flow: C
Lyrics: C+

Overall: 2.75/5, Work on your delivery and presence. Mastering works like this (somewhat): Equalize it, Compress it, then add some Reverb and/or Delay. Definitely gotta put more feeling into it. That's the main problem with this one. I can tell you're just reading the lines out. What i do is I record once like this, then listen to it. Then i do several takes of me spitting the verse with more emotion and feeling. That's helped me get better mic presence on songs. Try that if you like.

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Flow: C
Lyrics: C+

Overall: 2.75/5, Work on your delivery and presence. Mastering works like this (somewhat): Equalize it, Compress it, then add some Reverb and/or Delay. Definitely gotta put more feeling into it. That's the main problem with this one. I can tell you're just reading the lines out. What i do is I record once like this, then listen to it. Then i do several takes of me spitting the verse with more emotion and feeling. That's helped me get better mic presence on songs. Try that if you like.

thanks you always give really enligtening feedback. yeah i know i need to do more takes and all that but tbh i dont really have any time lately to record. i recorded this song really fast and went out the door for some other responsibility right after lol. but i have some new raps that i feel the lyrics are really good so im probs not posting songs for awhile until i can get the delivery down perfect. anyways thanks man and i will definitely work on the flow and the delivery

[DatWeezy]

Re: Boom! - (Merc Remix)

Ight bro, I like the lyrics i really do. But, i feel like you stretched some bars. Try and not use the words that are not necessarily needed to shortne your bars. The flow was alright and I can tell you have not been rappin' long but keep it up man. Practice makes perfect and you def got some hot bars.

Flow : C-
Lyrics: C+