Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

[TupacShaquer]

Ok well most of the headlines part is old
I just ordered a mic and before i really start getting serious i want to know if i improved
So after most of headlines part tell me if you see improvement
Kage- Headlines, Marvins room, Dreams money can buy - YouTube
[Old Lyrics]

Tired of suffering the consequence,
Accident after accident,
Sucks because I am never the innocent,
and I know,
That is not a coincidence,
Saying I can't do that or this,
But I just,
ignore them and they dismiss,
and i know,
thats what gets them pissed
and all the haters
want is my attention
trying to turn me
in the wrong direction
but in fact
i dont spin
just a toddler
learning how to swim]
still chewing on my slim jim
but i wont be knocked out
i am not a pin
praying every night
to forgive their sins
shooting up high
buut i dont even touch the rim
i guess i cant be michael jordan
i guess its time to rest
mainly because
im tired of being treated like im less
you should see my reaction
if life was math
i be subtraction
and it sucks
to tell you this old news
cus this fuckin shit aint knew
people already saying i flew
they wont understand
unless they knew
life is like the marines
the proud the few
because who really is always in a good mood
friendship one day
the next a feud
boys fucking over their girls exposing their nudes
i aint got manners
but dont call me rude
just speaking the truth
so dont get mad my dude
im only 15
i already got the clue
but bitch it dont involve you


[new lyrics]
yea bitch u
you say u fly
but u aint flew
you say ur gheto just like new new
but bitch we know that aint true
and we dont even need a clue
we already knew
the what, how . when and who
yea muthafcka
that shit is out there
clowning
without a fair
climbing
and i won
life aint fuckin fair
but i dont fuckin care
and i wont make it anytime soon
exactly just like
t pain without auto tune
so i guess ill just hide
inside marvins room

[2nd verse]
you know, loves a funny game
even when people cheat
your feelings stay the same
even when there gone
they leave you behind the pain
when you have enough teardrops to make it rain
so you saw her the other day
she was doin good, nah she was doin great
with that other guy she was on a date,
this bitch really taught me how to hate
but i guess life is fuckin fate
so why is it that lovers
begin to hate
i cant get that through my fuckin mind
but i guess its
dreams money can buy


[for example]
[3rd verse]
you can buy a fuckin friend
bet he wont last till the fuckin end
becomes real selfish,
wont even lend a pen
acting like a fuckin prick,
now u got no one but ur music
everyone calling u wack
but u know ur sick
fake ass friends and random chicks
is all money do
old friends get forgotton
and as for you,
you aint nothing new
all u did was lose
one bad mistake
there goes ur fuckin life
even ur own child begins to hate
forget ur wife
so as u can see
i dont want anyone
to fuck with me

Feedback 1: http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...yne-remix.html
Feedback 2:http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...erc-remix.html

[DatWeezy]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

Well bro, you don't sound comfortable at all. The lyrics are off and your flow is just lacking. Not hatin', but you need some work... The quality isn't good either.. You need to FIND yourself and how you want to rap because u don't sound comfortable at all man..

[ThaMothafuckinCarter]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

tbh this is pretty bad. i feel like a dick but i completely stand by my point

[THA GR8 M8]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

[TupacShaquer]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

did u guys skip to 1:30? Because the point was that, thats where I want to know if i improved,
Before that is just trash and was my first ever shit in early this year

[pgathriller]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

First beat you definitely feel off rhythm; need a more confident flow and work on staying on tempo and on rhythm. Seems like you have too much reverb on your vocals or maybe it's just that they're too low. Really get into your flow, give more energy. Transitions from beat to beat was super abrupt and didn't really work - - the transition from Marvin's Room to the last song seemed a little more seemless though so try to get something smoother like that for the first transitions. Needs a lot of work man but it all takes time; keep at it!

[TupacShaquer]

Re: Kage- Headlines, Marvins Room, Dreams money can buy freestyle

First beat you definitely feel off rhythm; need a more confident flow and work on staying on tempo and on rhythm. Seems like you have too much reverb on your vocals or maybe it's just that they're too low. Really get into your flow, give more energy. Transitions from beat to beat was super abrupt and didn't really work - - the transition from Marvin's Room to the last song seemed a little more seemless though so try to get something smoother like that for the first transitions. Needs a lot of work man but it all takes time; keep at it!

Do you think i improved from the first beat