Nightmares of the bottom verse (need feedback)

[ArTC]

Yo, I just wrote this and I'm looking for opinions and stuff, Imma record it once it's finished so I'd like you guys to tell me what you think in the meantime thanks n respect.

Sleeping at the top, nightmares of bottom
everybody trippin but I’m stuck in hold on,
God are you stalling me?, please let me go
Mirrors showing half of myself like a patched dirty pirate
Shit I gotta lean like it, you bullshit like a parrot
I’m on my lucky sevens, so come and pull my lever
Pause, hold it on, we got shot right?
If we sinking down I hope the violet gets me high
They say you don’t know what gettin’ till you get it
Well call me Guetta cuz I beat it
Attention all the players, time to go hard
You’re life’s a water glass and I’m getting dry
I was looking for a bitch instead I found mom
Now you got a lil bro, call him Tiny Marv
We invading from mars, yes we got far
Lil Marvin bitches, killing you all.

[Dukez]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom verse (need feedback)

hey my dude

heres the thing... i feel like you have an certain accent because it was hard for me to rhyme a lot of what you wrote. for instance the first lines ... Bottom and Hold on?
then the next two lines ... Let me go and dirty pirate?... im not able to rhyme it

the flow is on point but looks like u borrowed it from tunechi

overall its cool, keep at it and best advice i can give is try to rhyme 2 words not just one..

so dont rhyme mom with com
rhyme hot mom with dot com ... the more you rhyme the nicer the flow and presentation

Keep at it mah dude

[ArTC]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom verse (need feedback)

Yep, I got an accent so I gotta adjust my rhymes to it not to force it and get stuck or smth. Thanks for the advices homie, they're greatly appreciated props.

[morphineroberts]

Re: Nightmares of the bottom verse (need feedback)

The killed it with the lucky seven, pull my lever...
This was a good read, sir

Yo, I just wrote this and I'm looking for opinions and stuff, Imma record it once it's finished so I'd like you guys to tell me what you think in the meantime thanks n respect.

Sleeping at the top, nightmares of bottom
everybody trippin but I’m stuck in hold on,
God are you stalling me?, please let me go
Mirrors showing half of myself like a patched dirty pirate
Shit I gotta lean like it, you bullshit like a parrot
I’m on my lucky sevens, so come and pull my lever
Pause, hold it on, we got shot right?
If we sinking down I hope the violet gets me high
They say you don’t know what gettin’ till you get it
Well call me Guetta cuz I beat it
Attention all the players, time to go hard
You’re life’s a water glass and I’m getting dry
I was looking for a bitch instead I found mom
Now you got a lil bro, call him Tiny Marv
We invading from mars, yes we got far
Lil Marvin bitches, killing you all.