Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

[Young Corruption]

Wrote and recording this about six months ago in July I think and it was on my mixtape which was never posted here for reasons of my own.

This song was only created cause i felt like doing a stupid/silly song that i don't think a lot of people have created before

Download/Stream

Lyrics:
i watch you everyday when your walking down the street
that eerie feeling you feel is coming from me
i see what wear, memorize all your clothes
when you wear those skinny jeans it makes me blow a load
i ain't trying to be creeper but it comes that
i have dozens of pictures that i like you use to jack
penis hurting everyday cause i'm thinking about you
and the love i can make while your sleeping is true
i'm a creeper and stalking you is my only true game
hiding behind bushes thinking that your a pretty dame
role playing every night with my blow up doll
a picture of your face while its licks my balls
cumming all over the place it ended on the wall
facebook stalking my homepage is your wall
i know where you live i'm out there everynight
you look out your window but i'm always out of sight

Verse 2

i see you look around like you know someones there
you almost saw me once but i doubt that you care
this is all your fault you made me like this
you made me dream about our long lost kiss
journal filled with your name along side mine
i can't live without you, i might kill myself, die
i call you on the phone but never say a thing
i even have your skype but never do messaging
twitter is your thing, i get everything through text
i know when your in the mall or even wearing sweats
i record you at night when your sleeping in bed
i pull out my dick and wish you were giving head
pyscho is my middle name and bitch is my last
stalking you is my life and its been a blast
now i'm ending my life it was worth the wait
the warm up is here so you better get baked[/CENTER]

Feedback:
Smelly
Farts

[Late122]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

Good things are that you stay in topic the whole song and the quality is amaizing -that snapping sound I don't know how to explain that. The flow is good but gets kinda boring. I lirled at the lyrics and they were pretty disturbing but I can see that you made this for fun. I enjoyed this track and 3,65/5 because of the smoothness and dope beat.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

Good things are that you stay in topic the whole song and the quality is amaizing -that snapping sound I don't know how to explain that. The flow is good but gets kinda boring. I lirled at the lyrics and they were pretty disturbing but I can see that you made this for fun. I enjoyed this track and 3,65/5 because of the smoothness and dope beat.

The one thing i pride myself is staying on topic and not just doing randomness everywhere and thanks for the feedback as i'm always trying to get better and will work on doing more slower down songs where i kinda sing but not really and make them not so boring cause i'm working on another slow song right now. Glad i made you laugh in real life cause thats what i was going for in this song lol . Gotta do something different that not a lot of people would think of doing

[xXPyroXx]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

its so mono toned :/ put some feeling into it man, i mean i know its a joke song but make it sound like you put the effort that you put into writing into it

[Gibbsy]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

beats real chill nice vibe hear homie, gota say im feeling the beat but the hook seems a lil low, :S aha

nice flow on here homie, but you i gota say i would like to hear more in your delievery, and a lil more differnt flows would be cool homie quality is NICEE tho feeling it man 4/5 keep um coming bro

[mykill]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

Flow: ...C
Lyrics: ...B-

Overall: 4/5, Ok... this song is definitely creepy as hell. Monotone flow throughout. You stay on topic with the lyrics so I'll give you points for that, but fa realz: you gotta put more feeling in what you're spittin'. But really. this is creepy as fuck lol.

[ATLien666]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

lmao, I like this. Definitely creepy, but unique. You know that J. Cole song Dreams? It reminds me of that.

Flow: B-
It's on point, but just really monotone. You know that show, Whatever Happened to Robot Jones? You remind me of that robot, lmao. no offense.

Lyrics: B+
You stayed on topic through the entire song, which is pretty good, especially for a song as fucked up as this, ahaa. The second verse is really, really creepy. You kinda have a knack for storytelling, I think. You should try to tell more stories in songs.

[MC_Crary]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

I like the concept a lot and I admire your confidence in releasing something like this. I feel like at the stage that most of us are at, trying to find ourselves and start a fan base its hard to come with something like this. It could totally turn off the possibility of some people liking your music. You executed it well, to an extent. I feel like your lyrics were very simple. I think you could've found multiple ways to describe yourself other than using the word creeper. I think your lyrics on the first verse should have screamed creeper (which they do lol) without you having to say that you were. The second verse tops the first by miles, but feels more like a third verse. I think you should have come with a second verse in between, to further describe your pleasure in stalking her or something like that. I think that would've made this a more complete song. As far as beat selection, I think you were miles away from were you should've gone. Not to tell you the style that yu should go with, but the sample's not fitting. It almost makes it seem like you're talking to a guy lol. I think if you used this beat for a song about a girl being super into you, it would've worked better. I see where you tried to take it but it just didn't fit to me. The flow has the same problem you always have, though you are getting better, stretching and shortening words to make them flow. I think working on your lyrics will help with that. More multies, continuing rhyme schemes for longer than two bars and rhyming more than just the last two or three syllables will all help big time. I know this was recorded six months ago, and you've progressed since. I just want to point out the things I hear in this, because I'm sure you're still working on at least some of the same problems. You're maturing as an artist so it's time to give you the tough critiques.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Young Corruption: Straight Stalking

lmao, I like this. Definitely creepy, but unique. You know that J. Cole song Dreams? It reminds me of that.

Flow: B-
It's on point, but just really monotone. You know that show, Whatever Happened to Robot Jones? You remind me of that robot, lmao. no offense.

Lyrics: B+
You stayed on topic through the entire song, which is pretty good, especially for a song as fucked up as this, ahaa. The second verse is really, really creepy. You kinda have a knack for storytelling, I think. You should try to tell more stories in songs.

Lol no offense taken. Everything ya'll tell me will help me get better. I don't know who Robot Jones is, but i'll look him up haha. I try to tell a story in all my songs cause it makes writing easier for me and most of the time they are true stories about me and my past but i don't come out and say that. I've had a fucked up life this past couple of years that people probably won't believe lol

I like the concept a lot and I admire your confidence in releasing something like this. I feel like at the stage that most of us are at, trying to find ourselves and start a fan base its hard to come with something like this. It could totally turn off the possibility of some people liking your music. You executed it well, to an extent. I feel like your lyrics were very simple. I think you could've found multiple ways to describe yourself other than using the word creeper. I think your lyrics on the first verse should have screamed creeper (which they do lol) without you having to say that you were. The second verse tops the first by miles, but feels more like a third verse. I think you should have come with a second verse in between, to further describe your pleasure in stalking her or something like that. I think that would've made this a more complete song. As far as beat selection, I think you were miles away from were you should've gone. Not to tell you the style that yu should go with, but the sample's not fitting. It almost makes it seem like you're talking to a guy lol. I think if you used this beat for a song about a girl being super into you, it would've worked better. I see where you tried to take it but it just didn't fit to me. The flow has the same problem you always have, though you are getting better, stretching and shortening words to make them flow. I think working on your lyrics will help with that. More multies, continuing rhyme schemes for longer than two bars and rhyming more than just the last two or three syllables will all help big time. I know this was recorded six months ago, and you've progressed since. I just want to point out the things I hear in this, because I'm sure you're still working on at least some of the same problems. You're maturing as an artist so it's time to give you the tough critiques.

I know what you mean about the hook cause i heard the thing about the boy but said screw it cause i liked the beat and it was something that i could half sing too since it really was trying to do something different that i know a lot of people wouldn't do and i was just having fun with it. I may re-record this and put more emotion and do like you said and add a second verse and make the second verse the third if i still have the beat. And i don't mind the tough critiques lol, i actually enjoy them cause it will make me work harder to prove everyone wrong

And to everyone saying i was monotone I am gonna re-record the latest song to work on everything ya'll said and then release it late this week. I do have a song i'm gonna drop thats a year old but i think it shows what i can really do. Its a remix i did with Ziggy B but he never dropped it for unknown reasons