Together (Poem)

[Late122]

What's a life without sacrifices,
What's a life without pain
You can't live life,
Without feeling the rain
I can't do alone,
A thing where you need two
But we can do together
A thing for you
Time changes,
You can't live forever
Your life direction will change,
But not always to better
Apples turn green,
Sugar turns bitter
But always remember,
We are together

Can someone fix my grammatical mistakes?

[ProBitaz.]

Re: Together (Poem)

I fux with them poems man

[Proof]

Re: Together (Poem)

What's a life without sacrifices,
What's a life without pain
You can't live life,
Without feeling the rain
I can't do it alone,
A thing where you need two
But we can do together
A thing for you
Time changes,
You can't live forever
Your life direction will change,
But not always for the better
Apples turn green,
Sugar turns bitter
But always remember,
We are together

Can someone fix my grammatical mistakes?

other than that its really good

[Late122]

Re: Together (Poem)

Thanks man!. 12

[cGrumm]

Re: Together (Poem)

good shit, i like this

[ThaWeezy]

Re: Together (Poem)

I really like it! I'm not much of a critic so I'm not gonna suggest anything, it's really good!

[Dukez]

Re: Together (Poem)

nothing to critique really since you chose a poem format... very nicely done

my only advice is to sometimes steer away from poems and use real life examples, you can still talk about the same stuff u said but in a more relatable manner..

hope that helps my dude..
and check my shit please
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/wri...0-fuckaaz.html