lyrics for my let the beat build remix

[ParisHaynes]

When our conversations get the deepest,
You can find me in between her cleavage,
God save me, she's such a diva,
No adam, deliver us from eva,
And evil, and bad people,
I don't wanna have to use the desert eagle,
I'm tryna change music like the beatles,
But i will kick a nigga ass, steven segal,
Got these dudes lookin at me all crazy,
I be quick to have em pushin up daisies,
I just saw that brenda got a baby,
His chances of success are far from amazing,
Sense i found out that it ain't mine,
That one instance i avoided the swine,
Cause these pigs don't have a spine,
And will try to stop a hood nigga climb,
The motto, by any means necessary,
I gotta stay fly like a kenneri,
And fake rappers want us to buy they album,
Ya not real and we decline, no calvin,
I need my name besides a x like malcolm,
Fuck kenneris, i'd be flyer than a falcon,
I got complete faith in god,
Ain't tryna go in the pit, hot rod
But they be tryna run a muck,
That's when i gotta split heads like coconuts,
I won't let em stop my climb,
Shit just got serious, you nigga out of time,
And there's no remote to press rewind,
I'm right at you bitches like a D-line,
Time for you ta go home, kids it's pass ya curfew,
Money the game overall, nigga steve urkel,
Oops, did i do that,
Convict me now, cause i'm murderin the track,
This shit ludacris, so get back,
This shits fat, like baby got back,
This shits foul, like ima hack,
It's seperated from the rest on the map,
Im here now, these dudes far from thrilled,
After they heard how i let the beat build

_Paris Haynes

those are my lyrics to my Let The Beat Build remix
Honest feedback would be nice cause i plan to put this track on my new mixtape.

here's the beat for those who want to read them with the beat








http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EfHaczfMCU

[StephenKING]

I liked the lyrics, I don't know if there was anything you could do better really because it seemed as if there were 3 topics (hood nigga climb, children, and being fly) and you seemed to mix them nicely except in some instances like
"pushing up daises, I heard Brenda got a baby" like it just switches with no warning but i think that's how you meant it to be
I don't know how long of a song this would be though, is it like an intro or such?

Overall 3/5 for me, try putting it to the beat if you havent already

[ParisHaynes]

I liked the lyrics, I don't know if there was anything you could do better really because it seemed as if there were 3 topics (hood nigga climb, children, and being fly) and you seemed to mix them nicely except in some instances like "pushing up daises, I heard Brenda got a baby" like it just switches with no warning but i think that's how you meant it to be I don't know how long of a song this would be though, is it like an intro or such? Overall 3/5 for me, try putting it to the beat if you havent already

thanks for the great input. i have rapped it with the beat and it seemingly goes very smooth. ii've mapped out how long all the songs for the tape are going to be and this particular song is 2:30 and i have it listed at track 7 officially. can't wait to record this tape man. im confident it's gonna be good.

[Sentus]

You need a lot of work...I know you've never recorded before so you don't know how to structure something to fit a beat but this had absolutely no flow whatsoever. I would highly recommend making tracks and getting better before instantly making a mix tape because no ones going to listen to it if it's terrible and everyone is terrible when they start. This would also get extremely boring, you have the same flow the whole time, just a standard line with a one syllable rhyme at the end. You have to mix it up with internal rhymes and what not, get creative with the style and switch it up from the same boring thing. Also, keep your rhyme patterns in increments of two. You would have times where you would have the same rhyme for 5 bars and then on the 6th one you'd randomly switch it and that would sound really awkward on the beat unless you knew what you were doing. Some other tips, Segal doesn't sound like Seegle, it's two syllables, See-gal so that rhyme wouldn't work and I'm not even a YM fan but I know Drake spit that line about having your name beside an X like Malcom so try not to bite other rappers in the future.

[ParisHaynes]

thanks for the honest input. i have rapped it with the beat and it flows seemingly well. my flow switches sometimes in the song as well so it all won't sound the same. of course as i record i will add/subtract words, sounds, flows etc. and yes, that is a drake line, really there to show listeners that I listen to drake. not that big of a deal imo. but thanks for the honest insight. i'll see what i can do better.

---------- Post added at 10:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:05 PM ----------

and to be fair, this was like one of the first verses i wrote when i first started, i have improve from this. but like you said i can get better.

[ParisHaynes]

I liked the lyrics, I don't know if there was anything you could do better really because it seemed as if there were 3 topics (hood nigga climb, children, and being fly) and you seemed to mix them nicely except in some instances like
"pushing up daises, I heard Brenda got a baby" like it just switches with no warning but i think that's how you meant it to be
I don't know how long of a song this would be though, is it like an intro or such?

Overall 3/5 for me, try putting it to the beat if you havent already

did you get my pm.

[Valv]

I need my name besides a x like malcolm,

"Labels want my name beside the X like Malcom" Drake-Forever

I would recommend you change that line, it's way too similar. There are some places where the flow seems off, "But i will kick a nigga ass, steven segal," for example.

[dodson495]

are you gonna put it out on youtube if so where is the link