Pyjama Pants

[UnknownP]

First off, I don't call myself anything anymore since I can't come up with anything that feels right, but I'm working on it.

It's also been a while since my last post here in the writer's block, mostly because I can't seem to write anymore.
Then I got an idea. Post some stuff that you have written for the past year, get some feedback and you might get your inspiration back. So here's a song i wrote in august!

This one is called "Pyjama Pants" and is almost completed. Although, this is just a first draft. I get if you find it hard to imagine how it would sound, but me and my friend made a beat that we somehow lost, and this was written to that beat.

It tells a bit of a story, of a young man hitting the club, at first being his regular self, a nice and not too confident guy, but for the second verse around, he's had a few more drinks and is too confident! By the time we get to the third verse he is beyond drunk, had way too many drinks and is almost a bit depressed.

"Hey I think I've seen you here before,
always in the corner, sippin on a cosmo,
please excuse my forwardness,
but i think i can be the cure for your loneliness,
and if i can take a guess, i would say that he cheated, am I right girl?
He don't know how to treat a girl like you, but trust me, I do
and I get that you don't want nothing serious,
but that doesn't mean i cant make you delirious
I know what your thinking "naaaah",
but i swear to god,
this won't be something to regret one day,
so what you say girl, can i make this your lucky day?

[recorded girl voice] "what the fuck are you wearing?"

I'm ready to take you to bed, cause I got my pyjama pants on, yeah i got my pyjama pants on,
I said I'm ready to take you to bed, cause I got my pyjama pants on, yeah i got my pyjama pants on,

hey

hey

hey

I ain't gonna buy you a drink, you already got to much attention from the guys around,
then you look at me like i'm crazy, so on a second thought, how does a mojito sound?
yeah, you into me, I can tell,
cause you haven't looked at another fella like your looking at me now,
I like where this is going, hahah, home,
the difference is, this time I won't be alone,
cause I can bet you're coming with me,
unless you're playing a game and trying to trick me
(beat pause)
Naaaaah, you wouldn't do that, would you?
so what you say girl,
can i make your wet dreams come true?

[recorded girl voice] "what the fuck are you wearing?"

I'm ready to take you to bed, cause I got my pyjama pants on, yeah i got my pyjama pants on,
I said I'm ready to take you to bed, cause I got my pyjama pants on, yeah i got my pyjama pants on,

hey

hey

hey

Bartender, when does your shift end?
cause right now i'm just kind of hoping we could be friends
I just don't wanna be alone, you feel me?
Bartender, tell me you ain't gonna leave me?
has someone ever called you cute, or beautiful?
you were flirting with me earlier right, or am i just delusional?
i'm sorry, wishful thinking,
but who are you to tell me to quit drinking?
well, i think it's time,
so what you say girl, your place or mine,
i'mma sleep it off, please come with me
i got my pyjama pants on, so at least i'm dressed properly"

[Dukez]

hey dawgz, long time!!

Im glad your still writing bars, I've kinda taken a break on posting that stuff on here seeing as no one cares to make this part of the website actually work.

So what I would say is basically to sound iller...more ghetto maybe? . you have good concepts and real emotions in the lyrics but there is no wow factor
You gotta come at it a little slicker and a little meaner instead of sounding timid.

So come with slicker way of delivering your lines, and more wordplay. But your storytelling and emotion are on point!

hope all is well..