Tranquil - Temple Of Dreams (Demo)

[Explicit]

This is just a demo of a song I'm working on called 'Temple of Dreams'. Give it a listen and tell me what you think

Link:

Lyrics:


Verse 1:
Only In my dreams, that things feel real/
Its like scenes from a movie, a plot that will reveal/
Connected within the spiritual world, half dead/
I guess that's what depression is, suicide unread/
A foot in both doors, a chilling voice that's pressuring/
One saying don't, the other one that is entering/
Is saying yes, do it, end your life man/
The pain will be gone for eternity, no more dark nights man/
A chemical imbalance in my fortress, my palace/
The dreams can be the only thing that holds the balance/
Between life and death, and what lays upon that/
The attempts to straighten up, and then ending up detached/
It's like I performed a seance and got bad energy/
But that wasn't my intention, eating with the enemy/
They say that everyone has a fait and a road to follow/
But I'm stuck at the devils crossroad, empty and hollow/

Verse 2:
I think my minds playing tricks on me/
Each and every day threw into the mix, opposite of tranquility/
I'm up in the sanctuary down on my knees preachin'/
I'm my own shoulder, and all I'm doing is reachin'/
Self-loathing, trying to retrieve an/
Grab my soul, cause this corpse that I'm in is grieving/
A living zombie, no emotion can be shown at all/
My flesh is a sign of erosion, any point I could fall/
Just collapse into thin air and disappear/
Then rise from the ashes a phoenix right here/
Amongst the mist, an on going cycle that must consist/
I was chosen to full-fill it, at the end there's no twist/
Like the ghost rider, stuck in it forever its a curse/
Darkness cleared by a lighter, life is something you can't rehearse/
And if you don't know, I'm talking about depression/
Walking a lone road but I'm stuck at the intersection/

Verse 3:
Build a temple around the pain, thats how I do it/
Seclude myself, I'm insane, hopefully I'll get through it/
But the temples don't always stand strong and tall they fall/
The depression sneaks through, leaving a crack in the wall/
Feeling lonely, worthless and the worst unpopulated/
And I'm going through it all sober, no where near intoxicated/
I find myself escaping to the fake place that I've created/
Its saving me, put it blatantly my presence is nearly faded/
In this place everybody loves me and I feel wanted/
The opposite to reality, happiness is finally conquered/
Locked up for life, in the cells of the mighty depression/
The demon compels, in my blood cells equals infection/
Tonight... I leave the realm of the living/
Its unbearable to see, and the pain is fucking stinging/
I'm held captive by strongest force there is/
So I'm going to escape to a world free of tears/

Feedback:
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...ml#post1019563
http://www.lilwaynehq.com/forums/tha...-ft-wesam.html

[Explicit]

I'm gonna bump this :O

[morphineroberts]

I cant wait till you bridge the gaps with the choruses and bridge (before the third verse). The tone of the track starts out melancholy with no sign of hope in the first or second verse... the track that gets deeply judgmental. The ray of hope presents itself at the end of the third verse. Cant wait to hear the finished product

[mykill]

I see what you did there... This has a good vibe. I wish you came with more energy on the verses. Anticipating what the hook will be. Mixing seems kinda funny. Vocals are still pretty low compared to the beat. The beat comes out pretty good, but you sound like you're in a hole. Might want to fix that before you finish it off.

"Walkin alone, but I'm stuck at the intersection..." Real. Rap. Talk.

Overall: 4.1/5

[Explicit]

Im gonna bump this