Untitled verse [Feedback appreciated]

[UnknownP]

Alright guys, I just wrote my first verse in like 4 months. Nothing special, but I'mma try to stay on this and get a couple more verses out of it, and hopefully, make it into a song somewhere down the road. A guy in my room just got his studio up and running so I probably gonna hang out with him a lot this next couple of months.

And I know it's just a bullshit verse but trust me, I'm trying to get back to the real stuff soon!

find me a girl with a body like nicki,
cause that's the type of girl that makes me go freaky,
and you know that rum make me get frisky,
one ass but the size of two
damn girl, i don't think i could handle you
come closer, i won't bite, unless you want me to
i don't wanna discriminate,
but if you a blonde girl you gonna have to wait
I'm just not into it,
pull down that zipper open up the gate
is you're name happiness, do you believe in fate?*
other dudes might know how to make you feel good but i can make you feel great


*have a tattoo that says "pursuing happiness"

[trillphill]

Your fluctuation of syllable count between bars reads awkward. I'd recommend improving the vocabulary you use and not sticking simply to "rhyming" the last word of each line; when I can, to a degree, predict the word you're going to use to rhyme before I read it, that is a bad thing most of the time. It reflects a trite vocabulary which goes along quite well with the trite subject material.

If you're going to do something revolving around lust, then you might as well try to do it in a creative manner.

[ET the Refugee]

It's a bit simplistic. Try to make your rhyming patterns more complex like a-b-a or a-b-b-a or whatever not so much a-a, b-b, c-c.