Elephant

[YungMulaTheImage]

I keep my head in the clouds
And with my feet on the ground
I can hear every single sound
Of the echoes around me
And in every single tree
The koalas eat and sleep
Those furry little creatures
With their imaginary features
Do nothing to my big ears
The elephant I must be

***ik elephants and koalas don't live even in the same continent but I still wanted to mention them***

[Patriarch]

Re: Elephant

Your writings are difficult to comment on. Poetically, they are quite well done. As rap, however, they just don't work. It's like every line needs a new flow and, in some cases, you have lines that don't rhyme with anything (such as your last).

[js11]

Re: Elephant

Your writings are difficult to comment on. Poetically, they are quite well done. As rap, however, they just don't work. It's like every line needs a new flow and, in some cases, you have lines that don't rhyme with anything (such as your last).

i agree!

so im just gonna spit a little
cus im bored...

six, eight, nineteen ninety four
yours truly was a newborn
so loud!, yours truly was a new horn
yupp, 3 years later my godmother was to be mourned
she hung herself, she was just twenty six years old
you dont know how many stories my tears told
so when i tell you bout my years they got to be bold!
..four years young, migrated to the United states
from then on i had enlightened days
never had frightened ways
but i did have frightened days
began rapping, cus rapping pays!
i stuck with my rapping phase
got check, got money, off to da mall 2 get some J's
sneaker obsession, didnt feed me, got stuck with lays
but in my mind i was still a champion, call me the 98 A's
..Got outta da hood when i was eleven
to dangerous, place got shot up JERRy Beaven
arrested 2 days later, sent to da big house
id rather see him tortured in a pig blouse
the only words for him are big nouns
..like ...
whatever, arrested by da time i was fifteen
had my moms high on caffeine
my dad left us way back, so about him i was laughin
bad dreams every night, shouldnt have been graffin
where in the world gods been?
he wouldnt wanna save me though, i commited bad sins..

[MoneyIsEverything]

Re: Elephant

Your writings are difficult to comment on. Poetically, they are quite well done. As rap, however, they just don't work. It's like every line needs a new flow and, in some cases, you have lines that don't rhyme with anything (such as your last).

Extremely well put.

[YoungMoneyEnt]

Re: Elephant

Your writings are difficult to comment on. Poetically, they are quite well done. As rap, however, they just don't work. It's like every line needs a new flow and, in some cases, you have lines that don't rhyme with anything (such as your last).

Extremely well put.

co sign