Official Snowman99 Thread(1 new)

[Young Corruption]

alright. well i dont have a mic at the moment. i will probably get one with my next pay check. but i got bored in math class Thursday and wrote a little something. i will have audio by January something

ppl always ask me my heart is so cold
so this is the story that i told
it all started out with this girl
and damn she made my head twirl
soon i found out she was a whore
who apparently got bored
she went and cheated on me
and i told her to tell me be
bitch came back begging like a dog
i'd rather fuck someone that looks like a hog
started to start weed
cause thats what i need
playing with her heart
it was funny as if you heard a fart
she started fucking my bestfriend
and thats when i knew this slut had no end
made her believe i was gonna take her back
but then left her for some crack
now i'm here eating this big mac
laughing at her small rack

[IAmJay]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

Pretty good bro, keep practicing and you'll be good when you get your mic.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

Pretty good bro, keep practicing and you'll be good when you get your mic.

thanks. and the original one i wrote was better but idk what happen to it so i just tried to remember what i had wrote

[YoungFire420]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

Looks good bro. Looks like it came from the heart, or what you were thinking at the time.

Cant wait till you get a mic..

[Enigma]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

alright. well i dont have a mic at the moment. i will probably get one with my next pay check. but i got bored in math class Thursday and wrote a little something. i will have audio by January something

ppl always ask me my heart is so cold
so this is the story that i told
it all started out with this girl
and damn she made my head twirl
soon i found out she was a whore
who apparently got bored
she went and cheated on me
and i told her to tell me be
bitch came back begging like a dog
i'd rather fuck someone that looks like a hog
started to start weed
cause thats what i need
playing with her heart
it was funny as if you heard a fart
she started fucking my bestfriend
and thats when i knew this slut had no end
made her believe i was gonna take her back
but then left her for some crack
now i'm here eating this big mac
laughing at her small rack

Try to make your bars not so studder-like and grammatically correct. Like when I say "Soon I found out that she was a hore/ who apparently got bored" it sounds weird. The case is you're probably going to say them more fluently and together, so if that's the case then I recommend putting them together in the same bar.

A bar is sometimes considered two lines, so two different actions if short would be one bar.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

alright. well i dont have a mic at the moment. i will probably get one with my next pay check. but i got bored in math class Thursday and wrote a little something. i will have audio by January something

ppl always ask me my heart is so cold
so this is the story that i told
it all started out with this girl
and damn she made my head twirl
soon i found out she was a whore
who apparently got bored
she went and cheated on me
and i told her to tell me be
bitch came back begging like a dog
i'd rather fuck someone that looks like a hog
started to start weed
cause thats what i need
playing with her heart
it was funny as if you heard a fart
she started fucking my bestfriend
and thats when i knew this slut had no end
made her believe i was gonna take her back
but then left her for some crack
now i'm here eating this big mac
laughing at her small rack

Try to make your bars not so studder-like and grammatically correct. Like when I say "Soon I found out that she was a hore/ who apparently got bored" it sounds weird. The case is you're probably going to say them more fluently and together, so if that's the case then I recommend putting them together in the same bar.

A bar is sometimes considered two lines, so two different actions if short would be one bar.

oh alright. thanks for the feed back

Looks good bro. Looks like it came from the heart, or what you were thinking at the time.

Cant wait till you get a mic..

yeah it was. i'ma send her it just to piss her off

[YoungJuicy]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

Some writing writing fauls, but okay man, again try with other rhymes, i mean you only use end rhyme.

[Young Corruption]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

alright well my ex decided to come back at me with that other rhyme that i posted up ealier but instead of putting it in a message like i did she put it up in a bulletin on myspace

this is what she wrote:
you wish you could rhyme
but youll never make a dime
you try cos all you got is time
cos no one will give you a chance
cos you suck at romance
ladies dont look in his pants
cos hes only got a cheeto puff
youre goin nowhere cos all you do is snuff
you tell the story of how you got it so rough
when youre a spoilt bitch with a mustang
when you roll up all the ladies say dang
when you get out they shoot themselves bang
its been longer than a year since youve been laid
you act so cocky but always get played
so youre coming to an end just gonna fade


and what i wrote within five mintues. and yes i took low shots cause she really did cut herself over me
haha you say i'm gonna fade
why dont you cut yourself with a blade
yes i will take low shots
just like you blow cocks
i hope i hurt your feelings
just like you got catch stealing
you think your all cute
but honey you just got the boot
so go tell you hitting boyfriend
cause baby i have no end
yes i have a mustang
why dont you just go get hanged
i could go on forever
and you still won't be as clever

[Enigma]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

And I get bitched at for being "racist"..you're a cruel person

[Young Corruption]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread

And I get bitched at for being "racist"..you're a cruel person

haha hell yeah i am. but she wanted to make it public on myspace so i went for low shots that i know will hurt her cause i said straight facts. she just lied her ass off

[Young Corruption]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread(1 new)

yes i use simple rhymes cause most of the time when you do complex ones ppl dont get it

living here in this cold world
i know what its like to be up in a curl
no body on my side
im done trying to run and hide
im gonna come up and fight
i dont care if you were even a knight
i will die for that girl that i love
because i was sent from above like a dove
and when i think of you and i with also that plus
you better know that our love will never rust
baby girl all i want is to make you mine
just like the old times
but you have a old boyfriend
i cant help but commend
he has a beautiful girlfriend like you
how could we ever become two
with you i came out of my shell
now i hope i dont get a farewell

[Safe_Kid]

Re: Official Snowman99 Thread(1 new)

Caught stealing?