Day Light

[YungMulaTheImage]

cuz the new shit is here
take a fight with fear
and every single damn night is the right one here
and, im askin, im askin
what the f*** is happenin', will I ever see it
what do my eyes believe
with a bullet wound runnin down my sleeve
o, jacked the car in the night
but I ran a sign that pointed right
so the police caught up to me
and what the f*** did I see?
you better tell me, cuz I don't know
and the clothes you be wearin, r u in the show?
and I pimped the ride so tight it stopped the flow
it screeched to a halt in the blood red snow
ha, wait did you believe
could you ever find another bitch like me
ha, and this rap will never end
because somethin already ended, the life of my friend
cuz, he pulled the car to the right
in the fuckin dead of night
so long, my good friend and in the funeral parlor
under your casket and I'll slip you a dollar
because you been so good to me in these bad times
even when my fuckin raps didn't rhyme
but that was never,
that's why you're here
and now you're in your casket drinkin that beer
and it feels so different cuz my friends not here
so I pulled up tight
I turned my car right
in the day light
cuz I learned the thing from my buddy, boo
he taught me a thing or two
not to take a chance with the deadly night,
so now I jack my cars in day- light

[Patriarch]

Re: Day Light

It's like you started off with a good premise, but then weren't able to execute it. I start reading it and think to myself "this is kind of cool" and then hit a line like "and now you're in your casket drinkin that beer," which, unless drinking beer has some deep metaphoric meaning that I'm missing, seems to be a line that exists only to rhyme with the previous one. It just comes off corny.

[YungMulaTheImage]

Re: Day Light

ight....so in this case, the guy has commited so many sins in his life, he got denied by God's heaven and the devil's hell. and he would wanna be drinkin' wherever he'd go right? so he'd stay on earth and drink his beer.

[trillphill]

Re: Day Light

ight....so in this case, the guy has commited so many sins in his life, he got denied by God's heaven and the devil's hell. and he would wanna be drinkin' wherever he'd go right? so he'd stay on earth and drink his beer.

if that's your case, then i definitely didn't get that from reading it once. well i like the thought put into having something clever, but im not saying anyobdy else doesn't understand it, but if that's the case then you might need to make it more obvious in your writing that he's been denied heaven and hell; make a better distinction.

my 2 cents