Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

[YungNRuthless]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

Throw ya hands up, throw ya fucking grams up
if a rapper think he better then me, stand up..
just like i thought, everybody sitting,
the rap game sinking, everybody spitting,
they claim they hardbody but everybody bitches,
these rappers like the weather everybody switching
everybody busting heads, everybody pitching..
but between me and you? i think everybody snitching
cause all the real rappers either dead or in prison
so ima keep it real right now why im living
i aint saying im the hardest dog i be fibbing..
if a hater run up tho, this is what i'd give em
a four five shot to the back of the head
if hes breathing im squeezing, ima clap till he dead..

That was frickin frackin amazing.

thank you means alot coming from you, and i wanna when this one HOLLER~

[YungMulaTheImage]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

im gon spit a lil
this iz a freestyle yawl

Im a monster
Like from lochness
The only difference is I ain�t a mess
Im the best o the best
The magnus opus o the bunch
And when this rap is ova
U gon eat it for lunch
Cuz when I rap
You all think you gon die
But im so fuckin good
Ur gonna sit down and cry
Cuz u kno ur never gon be me
Or even get behind me
Not even Stevie Wonder can blind me
He can�t even look at me
Im so fuckin amazing
Hot like a firecracker
And I�m ever blazing
Don�t worry
Im never gonna slow down
And no one is gonna listen to you
When you come around

-young moola baby-

[MszYNR]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

Throw ya hands up, throw ya fucking grams up
if a rapper think he better then me, stand up..
just like i thought, everybody sitting,
the rap game sinking, everybody spitting,
they claim they hardbody but everybody bitches,
these rappers like the weather everybody switching
everybody busting heads, everybody pitching..
but between me and you? i think everybody snitching
cause all the real rappers either dead or in prison
so ima keep it real right now why im living
i aint saying im the hardest dog i be fibbing..
if a hater run up tho, this is what i'd give em
a four five shot to the back of the head
if hes breathing im squeezing, ima clap till he dead..

That was frickin frackin amazing.

thank you means alot coming from you, and i wanna when this one HOLLER~

You will. Im sure of it.

[trillphill]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

honestly, i wasn't going to do this, but i was typing up something and said to hell with it, i'll do it.

and so there's no confusion on what it's about, it's a shot at rappers that aren't lyricists and more then usual have repetitive phrases and/or just make dances and nothing else. this included but is not limited to- OJ Juiceman, G-Spot boyz, soulja boy (but i feel sry for him since he went spaztastic on twitter), and you get my drift..

im blessed like inspectah deck the way i leave tracks wrecked.
ambidextrous flow im right with the mic as haters get straight left.
cus im the pulse of this thread even when no pulse is left.
sparkin bars violently like rifle things, yes hot lead.
another rap thread? kill patriarch now im the "head".
im Vlad the way i'll take ya head and pike it instead.
get a brain transplant cus yours spits repetitive crap.
you should add to your vocab so run and getta med fast.
lyricist vs. rapper, ya dead when red sheds at last.
mc's like MoneyisEverything think it's all bout money.
i find that rather funny, no need of a book for dummy's.
commercial artists are clumsy cus their damn bars hit bluntly.
and think im bull shit frontin? man i can bring blunt heat.
jam the blunt to your cheek now you hear the blunt speak.
i infiltrate like brigades with serrated blades slashin at ya face.
ima "operate" till i leave you excavated like man-made caves.
cus you're pre-dated, i know where ya death is waitin.
i'll leave you like cave-men, that's bein eradicated.
cus hip hop is poetry in motion, that's the real notion.
your named being screamed as you smoke the mic flowin.
cus i don't get mainstream shit like useless modems.
my flow turns you to Jews the way you're left roastin.
i stay sky high on my rhymes, call it my zenith.
while you're pleadin, sufferin from the mic's bleak beatin.
my words leave you lightly breathin; you won't win despite the cheatin.
im rap's GM; you're the janitor cleanin after meetin's.
so get off that trap music crap
it's makes you look wiggity wack.
was takin a break but im finally be back;
me to you is Vick's Pits fightin cats.
cus im bitin away at the rap game...
while the surface you barely scratch.
you guys'll find this all subliminal
but to this site's life im all pivotal.
this dope drop will leave readers' bodies depraved
cus the force scathes like blacks in enslaved days.


EDIT* while posting this i realized the title "rapmazing contest part the second" reminded me of some Yoda type speakin sht, check yo self patriarch

[YungMulaTheImage]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

ya
im rollin through the streets in a cherry grill
grill me up a hamburger, double pills
i popped the deck and my champagne spilled
so my dog drank it up, and got drunk 'n' mill-
ions of people tryin to get higher
but that's when they realize their Visa expired
and so did the Guiness, Ireland offend- es, defend us
instead of, covering up with a MJ glove
a sparkle diamond threads on the motown, who down?
and I said im like Huodini, in my lamborgini
girl you think ur fat, but not really
my car takes tons off a star
you think ur hot, you think you're good
but im the best, and im from Hollywood
not, Hollygrove
from the hood that weezy drove

-pce- YOUNG MOOLA

[Patriarch]

Re: Patriarch's Raparrific, Rapmazing Contest Part The Second

CONTEST CLOSED.

YNR
Throw ya hands up, throw ya fucking grams up
if a rapper think he better then me, stand up..
just like i thought, everybody sitting,
the rap game sinking, everybody spitting,
they claim they hardbody but everybody bitches,
these rappers like the weather everybody switching
everybody busting heads, everybody pitching..
but between me and you? i think everybody snitching
cause all the real rappers either dead or in prison
so ima keep it real right now why im living
i aint saying im the hardest dog i be fibbing..
if a hater run up tho, this is what i'd give em
a four five shot to the back of the head
if hes breathing im squeezing, ima clap till he dead..

I would have liked to have seen this made a little longer. Also, the juxtaposition of the first two relatively long lines followed by two of the shortest lines sounds a little awkward to me. Overall, though, this had may nice rhymes.

biggie>wayne

ok this be round 2.
round 1 i went in.
but still didnt win.
i am bout to kill it again.
i got this contest pinned.
every one is down, watch me win.
but lets flip this script.
time for me to light the whick.
and burn ur ass like a candle stick
i will murke this contest and leave the scene quick
then go home and watch my thick girl lick.
here is a tip dont stop till i cup.
u stupid slut i made u suck, u say u wanted money.
well u better run and not slip.
i will hurt u till i am done.
and when it is finished u will be dead and replinshed.
see this is kinda of creepy, u guys can call it a fetish.
now she is dead i take the golds out her teeth like a denist.
i am a monster, i got proof u can test it.

Your flow kind of gets away form you. Your first line is five words and six syllables long, whereas your last line has ballooned out to 11 words and 12 syllables.

Lil Cham

Yo Im sitting in my room
thoughtless as the rhymes hit me like boom
I found a stupid rhyme
although I wasted a whole lot a time
But nothing could go trough my mind
The same thing happen the first time
when Patriarch made a contest
Where I could have proven west is the best
But right now Im lost
I don't have anything to write for my coast
Im writing what im feelin
verses Im still killin
No I don't
Im old like James bond
my rhymes don't draw any pattern
Game is poisoned by the southern
If I ain't rappin about pussy and money
If I ain't make jokes that ain't funny
If I don't use the Auto tune
Thats mean I ain't no goon
Its all fucked up
White boys buy the most albums that new mc are putting up
Now yall hatin
get off wayne's site is wat u sayin
just because Im speakin truth
Im makin my move
Yall dissin me
but I don't give a fuck this is rap to me
Hip-Hop is what Im breathing with
I don't like when it get mixed with shit
Im a MC
And ya all can eat a phat dick if you don't like me

Like many other posters here, you like to intermix very long lines with very short lines. As such, consider this advice to be for more people than just you. When you use a short line like "Its all fucked up" or "Now yall hatin", it creates an interruption in your flow. This interruption is not necessarily a bad thing, but in order to take advantage of it and make it sound good, you usually need to either preface it or follow it up with a set of long lines. Sticking one of these shot lines in every third line or so of your rap just creates a very stop-start flow.

xximaginingechoesxx

Im a monster
Like from lochness
The only difference is I ain�t a mess
Im the best o the best
The magnus opus o the bunch
And when this rap is ova
U gon eat it for lunch
Cuz when I rap
You all think you gon die
But im so fuckin good
Ur gonna sit down and cry
Cuz u kno ur never gon be me
Or even get behind me
Not even Stevie Wonder can blind me
He can�t even look at me
Im so fuckin amazing
Hot like a firecracker
And I�m ever blazing
Don�t worry
Im never gonna slow down
And no one is gonna listen to you
When you come around

im rollin through the streets in a cherry grill
grill me up a hamburger, double pills
i popped the deck and my champagne spilled
so my dog drank it up, and got drunk 'n' mill-
ions of people tryin to get higher
but that's when they realize their Visa expired
and so did the Guiness, Ireland offend- es, defend us
instead of, covering up with a MJ glove
a sparkle diamond threads on the motown, who down?
and I said im like Huodini, in my lamborgini
girl you think ur fat, but not really
my car takes tons off a star
you think ur hot, you think you're good
but im the best, and im from Hollywood
not, Hollygrove
from the hood that weezy drove

I suppose I should have probably said something about onlu entering the contest once. Since I didn't, though, I'll have a look at both of your verses.

One thing that I notice about your rap is that you miss out on a lot of opportunities for multi-syllabic rhyme. For example,

"Im a monster
Like from lochness
The only difference is I ain�t a mess"

You're rhyming with the "ness" part of loch ness, but not the "loch" part. It would probably sound better if you did something like this:

Im a monster
Like from lochness
I'm so chill that my skills let me mock stress

trillphill
im blessed like inspectah deck the way i leave tracks wrecked.
ambidextrous flow im right with the mic as haters get straight left.
cus im the pulse of this thread even when no pulse is left.
sparkin bars violently like rifle things, yes hot lead.
another rap thread? kill patriarch now im the "head".
im Vlad the way i'll take ya head and pike it instead.
get a brain transplant cus yours spits repetitive crap.
you should add to your vocab so run and getta med fast.
lyricist vs. rapper, ya dead when red sheds at last.
mc's like MoneyisEverything think it's all bout money.
i find that rather funny, no need of a book for dummy's.
commercial artists are clumsy cus their damn bars hit bluntly.
and think im bull shit frontin? man i can bring blunt heat.
jam the blunt to your cheek now you hear the blunt speak.
i infiltrate like brigades with serrated blades slashin at ya face.
ima "operate" till i leave you excavated like man-made caves.
cus you're pre-dated, i know where ya death is waitin.
i'll leave you like cave-men, that's bein eradicated.
cus hip hop is poetry in motion, that's the real notion.
your named being screamed as you smoke the mic flowin.
cus i don't get mainstream shit like useless modems.
my flow turns you to Jews the way you're left roastin.
i stay sky high on my rhymes, call it my zenith.
while you're pleadin, sufferin from the mic's bleak beatin.
my words leave you lightly breathin; you won't win despite the cheatin.
im rap's GM; you're the janitor cleanin after meetin's.
so get off that trap music crap
it's makes you look wiggity wack.
was takin a break but im finally be back;
me to you is Vick's Pits fightin cats.
cus im bitin away at the rap game...
while the surface you barely scratch.
you guys'll find this all subliminal
but to this site's life im all pivotal.
this dope drop will leave readers' bodies depraved
cus the force scathes like blacks in enslaved days.

This was really good. At first I thought the lines might be a bit too long in places, but I think that you could probably find some track to fit them to.

In Conclusion,

First Place: Trill
His verse was pretty much exactly what I was looking for. Rich in internal rhyme, it was nice to read.

Runner up: YNR
Though a little short, his verse contained many examples of multi-syllabic rhyme and flowed fairly well.