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Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&R please

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  • Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&R please

    Alright, I started another for when I hit the studio when my homies this weekend. Let me know how it sounds to you guys. Note that it doesn't go the entire time either. At some points of the beat I take a pause before going back in lol. I orginally freestyled this with my friend while his sis recorded and thought maybe I should lay it to the beat for real.

    Here's the instrumental to play with it:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_pBf0QbR3Q

    Unh, check my swag, you can call that shit nike style
    I get big bucks, my teeth be outta line
    Crazy spanish bitch, I call her borderline
    And I collect money like I got a horder mine
    We eating over here, you boys just anorexic
    and we getting cake over here, you boys just diabetic
    You see me, Hi hater
    Bitch I'm in the building, you niggas just neighbors
    Naw, betta yet the waiter, put them beats on my tray
    Kill any nigga that step to me like it's ya doomday
    Drop a quick 16 bars, you can call dat shit 4 xanax
    I shine like I'm the sun, you other niggas just planets
    Yeah, heh, let's gone straight to it
    Cuz I went get to shooting, you might think it is a movie
    And da way I get a group of girls, you might have thought I was groupie
    But I'm like YG, cuz after I get them, I just toot it and boot it.

    At this point the beat drops and Busta part comes back in. I'm debating whether I should keep rapping over the pause or do the laugh I did in the video at this part since the last line was kinda a joke (and to me, those last four bars are kinda weak, perhaps I should write something in over that part?). I'm in the middle of writing the second verse (which would span over Busta's part) and am writing to different types of verses: one more my style (similar to the first verse) and another rapid paced verse to show my versatility over tracks. I'll update later when I have both versions done for opinions on which to include.

    UPDATE: I decided to just go with the rhyme scheme I started with and continue the second verse like that one. It starts at the point where Busta's verse starts (at the "And I'm feeling like running"). Here's how it sounds so far:

    Verse 2:
    Leave a nigga dead where he stand, call dat shit a dead halt
    Weed got a nigga higher than somersault
    Straight beat the pussy up, dey charged me with assault
    And you can look at me now, look the swag evolved
    Retarded flow, I think I think I should be in CDC
    All about a Gamble, I think I should be on BET
    Somebdoy tell my haters and dem pussy niggas I said arrive derci
    I lost my mind now can someone help me with the searching (<====I love dat line from Wayne lol)
    Homey got dat white snow, call dat shit an avalance
    pockets full of greenheads, call dat shit a cabbage patch
    call me mister cabage patch, having that making racks
    hating ass nigga gone pull a rabbit out da magic hat
    yeah, you ole fake ass niggas
    sweeter than homemade cake ass nigga
    Niggas hating on my swag can talk to da body bag
    While ya rocking da toe tag after we dumped em like tea bags
    eating rappers like pacman, im talking waka waka
    make des niggas bow bow but i aint waka flocka
    hit em wit da chopper, somebody call da doctor
    cause dat chopper shoot a hunnit times, sound like a helicopter
    all my niggas proper, we aint on dat bogus shit
    you'll think dat boy was sum kush da way we smoked dat bitch
    I'm the god of rap, but let me give you some harder facts
    I'll make religions believe in me I'll make the martyrs clap
    My mic will be an artifact, you hardly rap so shut ya trap
    I'm a smarter cat than you dawg, not I mean than you rat
    When I die, bury me butt-naked face first in the grass
    So I keep fucking da world, while you niggas kiss my ass

    Verse 2 ended up being a bit longer than I expected (it ran through the length of Busta and most of Wayne's verse lol). I think I should cut it down and focus on the rhymes more and refine them and make them stand out more on there own.
    Last edited by Lord of Kaos; 04-28-2011, 04:35 AM.
    BUT THIS PIMP IS, AT THE TOP OF MOUNT OLYMPUS
    READY FOR THE WORLD'S GAMES, THIS IS MY OLYMPICS



  • #2
    Re: Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&amp;R please

    Originally posted by Lord of Kaos View Post
    Crazy spanish bitch, I call her borderline
    like button



    Gonna blow up like C4

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&amp;R please

      Thanks bro!

      and btw, I love that quote from Pray to the Lord in your sig. Best part of the song to me.

      ---------- Post added at 03:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:52 AM ----------

      Updated with the second verse in it. Tell me how it sounds!
      BUT THIS PIMP IS, AT THE TOP OF MOUNT OLYMPUS
      READY FOR THE WORLD'S GAMES, THIS IS MY OLYMPICS


      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&amp;R please

        Niggas hating on my swag can talk to da body bag
        While ya rocking da toe tag after we dumped em like tea bags
        I would have said "Niggas hating on my swag, can talk to da body bag
        I will have ya rocking a toe tag after we dump ya like tea bags "
        ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        you'll think dat boy was sum kush da way we smoked dat bitch
        Nice



        Gonna blow up like C4

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&amp;R please

          Yeah, some of the lines need some editting and some, IMO, should be trashed completely and something else added in place of those (mainly the last four bars in the first verse and that line in the second verse about the rabbit hat). From the beginning of the second verse to da part about the tea bag was a freestyle my brother recorded of me rapping to da beat (I changed some lines around to make it flow better though). and thnx for the props on the line homie.
          BUT THIS PIMP IS, AT THE TOP OF MOUNT OLYMPUS
          READY FOR THE WORLD'S GAMES, THIS IS MY OLYMPICS


          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Look at me Now...Oh!! lol R&amp;R please

            75 views and only one person gives a review/suggestion? Incredible people....
            BUT THIS PIMP IS, AT THE TOP OF MOUNT OLYMPUS
            READY FOR THE WORLD'S GAMES, THIS IS MY OLYMPICS


            Comment

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